S.O.S. Monsters Within

Entry 11: Perfect

"What the hell are you thinking, huh?! What's your problem?" My mom's face is currently as red as tomato, I could practically see steam came out from her ears, and I really hope that her veins in her temple wouldn't snap.

"You've been acting weirdly these past few days. What now? You're rebelling? Did you think I haven't knew about the party and your fight with Amber? And now, you cut classes and left your classmates when they really need you?"

"Its an emergency, Therese. And about the party, she had my consent..." Thristan defended me.

"And you didn't even bother to ask for my permission about it? So what am I now? Of course, all you needed me for is money. All I am here for is to provide you money you'll stash away. Who am I anyways? I'm just your mom." she crying now.

"I'm doing my very best, to be able to give you everything. Even if the stress is killing me, I kept on working, just for the two of you! I know I'm not always here, but its for your sake." I don't know what should I do. I know that she's working hard, sometimes, she's not even sleeping anymore, just for us.

"I thought I'm doing my best, but why is this happening to us? What's wrong, Margarete? Where did I go wrong? You were always my ideal princess? You're the best daughter I could ever have... So why are you acting like this?" I sat beside her and took her head to lean on my shoulder. I really can't bear to see her like this. It hurts to know that I've always disappoint her. She who teaches me everything I would need to know.

"Sorry mom... So please stop crying... I really am sorry..." I saw Thristan frown and he caught my gaze at him. He gazes back and clearly showed his disapproval. He left and went back to his room.

I felt mom's arms wrap on my waist as she snuggle to me further.

"I know that I'm not always here to always help you but, you can tell me anything. I'll do my best to hear you out and do what I can... I don't want to loose my princess... " she kept sobbing as I rub her back softly. All I could do is hush and calm her down, agreeing and promising on things that I'm not really that sure if I could do it. I don't want to see her so fragile like this.

When mom finally calmed down, I let her rest at her room and volunteered to prepare for dinner. At least I could do this for her. She rushed home when the principal called her on her phone, telling my unusual behavior for this past few weeks. She have learned about the fight I had with my classmates, the sudden outburst to then the other day, and my run away action yesterday. She have heard from Nico's parents the reason why I rushed to the hospital. My mom do sympathize with what happened to Nicholas but, the stress from work and the worry why all of the sudden, the principal whom never even called her since I entered the school, well besides from PTAs, she hurriedly went home from her business meeting.

When she's talking to us earlier, Thristan slipped about the party accidentally.

After dinner, Thristan volunteered to wash the dishes. So before I went upstairs, I thanked him with the candy I've found in my pocket. Even though its not likely for him to have a sweet tooth, it still amaze me how much gleam he produces whenever I gave him anything sweet.

Your mother clearly doesn't understand you.

She doesn't know anything 'coz I didn't told her... Besides, she already got a lot on her hand for me to told her about every little thing that happens to me.

Well, yeah. Of course. You're not some soldier who always need to report to her General.

I rolled my eyes on that, then closed the door of my room. My chest feels so heavy, as if its trying to pull me down. I plopped on my bed and stared at my room's lavender ceiling that even though its dark, I know it is lavender. It felt do lonely and plain, so much that's its starting to tick me. So I reached for my star projector blindly and turned it on. Now it looks like a starry sky.

Though I doubt she would even bother to listen to your problems. After all, just like what you said, her hands were full, she can't save a space for you and you own problems.

I grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly. The heaviness on my chest seem to grow more heavier.

It hurts, doesn't it? That the person you idolize can't even give a damn. All she thinks is herself and how will she become a perfect mom with turning you and you brother into her own soldiers.

She's not like that... She's just doing what she thinks would be good for us... It's for us and our future...

No Margaret. We, even your brother, knows that she once used to think like that. For what would be good for the two of you but, she changed when your dad left the three of you for good. It is now all for her pride as a single mother.

I felt a sharp pain from that.

Your mother's not here anymore. Your loving, protective, and understanding mom. And we both know the only way to get her back.

A tear slipped and dropped to her pillow.

When you disappear.

Even the starry sky me and my mom love so much can't stop the tears to flow. All I could do is to silently cry while looking at the fake projected sky in my room's lavender ceiling.