1944 [n.h]

chapter twenty

*Nialls pov*

I worked and I thrived for her. I think, at some point over the last few winding months, her voice took over my mind, and forced me to strive on, for her. I dreamt, slept, woke, ate, drank, and breathed Lilly. She seemed to be my only purpose for living, she was my home and without my home I had nothing.

At one point, my mother thought I'd gone insane, I was working constantly, juggling as many jobs as I could to earn as much as I could manage. All I needed was the boat fare, the rest I gave to my mother, in fear of spending it, she promised to send it over to me once I wrote to her, once I was with Lilly and ready to make an offer on her house.

I still intended on buying Lilly her house sleeping in the crease of the hills. That was one of my first plans when I got to her. I would go and I would offer whatever I possible could to the homeowner, I would get down on my knees if necessary, anything to buy her that house.

I wanted and was planning on spending the rest of my life with Lilly, but I wanted to do it right. If I was going to be with Lilly, I didn't want her to have to lift a finger unless she wanted to, I didn't want her to struggle or want for anything, I wanted to take care of her in every sense of the word.

Which I suppose, was why I was working myself to death.

The day I got enough money was the day I believe my life truly began. I packed my bags and I said goodbye to my family. My mother cried, thoughts of losing her lost son terrifying her. But I promised her I'd be okay, for I was going home. I was going to Lilly.

Three solid months I'd worked hour after hour, constantly to save up enough money. And within an instant, the money for my boat fare vanished, it was gone, spent. I handed the cold coins over to a small man at the docks, a heavy quilted jacket draped around him and a flat cap forcing his wiry grey hair out and around his face. And then, once again, I was penniless, poor.

I walked through the small boat, it swayed with every step I took, back and forth and side to side riding with the waves as I found a stool near the head of the boat and dumped the battered and torn bags I had by my feet and sat back.

Everything I owned was stuffed in to these bags, I had clothes, photos, books, journals, anything that I could find, I brought with me. My life was sitting in bags by my feet and yet I had never felt more content than I did right at this very moment. I should have been scared, fearful of the path that lay ahead, but I knew that no matter what happened, I'd be with Lilly, and as long as I had Lilly by my side, I felt invincible.

However, I did not have Lilly by my side at this moment in time, and the sea made a fool of me, proving me utterly conquerable as my face turned green and my body swayed with every bump of the boat.

"You alright there son?" I looked up when I heard a thick raspy voice which belonged to the man standing above me, tall and strong looking. I nodded unconvincingly as he dragged a stool up beside me, its legs scraping on the floor producing an awful screech. He chuckled and sat beside me, pulling out a fat silver case from his pocket and cracking it open, the insides lined with thick cigars. "Smoke?" he asked casually, lighting one and slipping it in between his thin lips as I shook my head. I'd only ever smoked once and that was on my 18th birthday a few years back.

I threw up for almost an hour after that one occasion and with the way I was feeling right now, I doubt having one would have been my smarted of ideas.

"Who's waiting for you to get off this boat then?" The man asked, puffing ringlets of smoke around the both of us as I shrugged and cleared my throat. That was a tricky question.

"Nobody knows I'm coming." I replied quietly. Technically it was true.

"Ah, going to build yourself a life?" The man asked. He seemed wise beyond his years, although he must have been at least fifty if not more.