1944 [n.h]

chapter four

Niall was playing with my mind. It had been almost two weeks since he'd taken me out that night and the only times I had seen him since were when Ruth had brought him, Frank and Robert to the bakery, and even then, there had been minimal conversation between the two of us.

Nonetheless, Niall had managed to both confuse and captivate me. I still had no intention of being anything other than friends with him, if that but nevertheless I wanted to find out why his words turned so intimate that night we walked through the village. He'd left me confused and blind in the unknown.

I knew I shouldn't have gone out with him that night, or talked to him at all. boys messed with my mind and left me wondering. Niall had done the exact same, I felt like he'd come to me and been this lovely, interesting boy, who actually seemed to give a damn, and then just like that, left again.

"How much is this then Lilly?" Robert asked, his arm linked with Ruth's as she twirled a strand of hair with her long slender finger. Apparently Robert and Ruth were officially going together according to gossip in the town. I'd have thought Ruth would have told me personally, but maybe she was embarrassed, knowing how everyone felt about the soldiers.

"Rob you don't have to pay" Ruth cooed as I rose my eyebrows and shook my head, my mother watching with her friends in the corner, clutching mugs of tea. I could practically see them absorbing everything Ruth and Robert did so they could report back to gossip central.

"Actually you do." I mumbled and held out my hand as Robert chuckled and pulled out some coins. "One shilling." I murmured as he nodded and handed me the coin. I didn't like the way Ruth thought that Robert could get away without paying. He wasn't my boyfriend, or whatever he may have been to Ruth.

"I'll pop in and see you later Lil." Ruth mumbled with a smile before leaving with Robert as I sighed and slouched against the counter. I watched her scatter down the path with Robert, both of them laughing carefree about something one of them had said as I sighed and rested my cheek in my hand, utterly bored with the day already.

Ruth did pop by later that day, I thought we were actually going to do something, but in its place, she just sat on the counter, long after closing time and blabbed on about Robert and how wonderful he was. Whilst she talked, I began to feel like I was dating Robert, she expressed every single thing in immense detail. I knew all about the birthmark on his left shoulder and how he had a thing for peanut brittle. I didn't want to know, but the unnecessary knowledge was thrown at me like a pile of rocks.

I wondered desperately what it would be like to be Ruth, looking constantly beautiful and stable, I often looked like a mess with flour in my hair and clothes and heavy bags beneath my eyes. She always had boys falling at her feet, I'd like to experience that at least once in my life.

I wanted to know what it was like to be centre of attention, to have boys stop and stare at you when you walked past them, fully knowing the impact that you had. I longed for Ruth's utter confidence and poise. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have wanted the power that Ruth did, but I so did. Everything seemed to be easy for her, every decision was made at the click of a finger, and every smile got her a free drink or ticket. She could do anything and everything with her seemingly super hero like power.

I'd been friends with Ruth my whole life, she was my only friend really, but as I was sitting with her now, I found myself completely bored as my mind wandered to Niall and how fun and non-boring it was when we were together. He ruined my friendship with Ruth, I blame him. I was overreacting.

I still blame him.

Any excuse to make me believe we weren't anything near friends.

"That Niall boy, do you see him often?" I asked, completely cutting Ruth off as she turned to me and furrowed her eyebrows before shrugging and pulling up her stockings.

"Yeah, he hangs around with us quite a bit I suppose." She mumbled, completely uninterested as I found a frown forming on my face. I know he'd only spent time with me twice, but he had seemed so eager to be my friend, and managed to reign me in to the whole idea. And then just ceased to exist. I knew I wasn't that interesting but I had to be a handful better than following Ruth and Robert around all day I was sure.

"Lilly?" Ruth poked me as I looked up and furrowed my eyebrows. "I said, why does it matter?" She sighed and rolled her eyes as I stood up straight and shrugged.

"It doesn't." I mumbled and began stacking the chairs in the bakery. Although Ruth was my best friend, she was also a blabber mouth and I knew anything I said to her was far from a secret in her eyes.

"He asked about you too funnily enough."

I stopped stacking and turned to her, my eyes wide and my pulse quickening.

Niall had asked about me? What had he asked? Why is that Lilly girl so sarcastic and grumpy all the time? Why does she always have flour in her hair? Why Lilly? I wanted to find out what he had asked but I'd already asked Ruth about him once and if I did again then she'd find a way to mention it to him. And I didn't want him thinking I cared.

I was utterly confused on how I felt at the moment. Two meetings with Niall and my brain was frazzled, and I didn't know why; I didn't have feelings for him, whatsoever. Perhaps it was just the idea of company. Or male attention. Either way, I didn't like what he was doing to my mind.

"I usually go and watch them train during the day, you should tag along one day." Ruth smiled and hopped off the counter, straightening her dress and looking down at her outfit with a grin.

"Lilly, mum wants you." I looked around to see Henry standing by the stairs as I smiled. Ruth wiggled her fingers at me and left as I picked Henry up and rested him against my hip.

"Have you eaten?" I asked as he nodded and stuck his thumb in to his mouth as I sighed and nodded, locking up the bakery. Henry curled in to me, his face burying in to my neck as his little legs wrapped around my waist, his foot digging in to my back slightly making me straighten my posture.

"A soldier came in yesterday and asked where you were." Henry mumbled as I stopped locking the door and looked at him. I had to play it down and pretend it was nothing. He looked at me sleepily and sucked on his finger lazily.

"Oh really? What was their name?" I asked as he shrugged, scratching his little head as if to try and remember.

"He had a funny voice and hair like the sun" Henry giggled slightly at his description. And by his description I knew for sure it was Niall. Henry had never been exposed to anything other than the people in our village, any other accent would sound strange to Henry.

"Mummy told him not to come here looking for you again, but I told her he was your boyfriend!" Henry stated as I widened my eyes and carried him upstairs, straight past my mother who was in the sitting room by the fire. I tucked Henry in to bed and crouched down beside him, desperate to hear more about Niall's attempt to see me again.

"He isn't my boyfriend." I whispered passing Henry a tiny stuffed toy Archie had given him before he was shipped to France.

"He should be." Henry mumbled, shutting his eyes as I rolled my own. I was intrigued by the fact Niall had come in to see me yesterday, I wanted to know what he had wanted and why he hadn't come in sooner.