Salt and Sugar [ZADR] [IZ Au]

Taking Over The Universe Is Difficult

Dib couldn't get his mind off of Tak, and what she had done. For all he knew, she could be planning to hurt Gaz after tricking her into... Dib shivered. For tricking her into dating her, or... Whatever.

As you can see, Dib had completely forgotten that both he AND Gaz were completely unaffected by Tak's strange power.

Zim, however, was already over the whole situation. Sure, he hated Tak and wanted her dead with every fiber of his being even though he forgot she existed for a good year or two, but he had better things to do. If anything, all they wanted was to continue their mission with Dib, in hope that would keep the human's mind off of things.

And so, Zim decided now was a good time to visit their first planet to conquer... Other than Vedrinia, of course.

Sovora, a small lunar planet with a measly population of 1,000, one with obedient life forms that could believe almost everything, making it easier to conquer.

This was an exciting moment for both boys. Their first planet to conquer in their lives; though knowing this would be Zim's first too was a tad bit disappointing for them both as well.

However, Dib still had his head wrapped around Tak, constantly overthinking about what she could be doing to his sister now, and the fact that Zim left GIR back on earth to "keep watch of her" was even more concerning.

However, by the time they reached the planet, Dib's mind snapped back to reality in almost an instant. He was about to conquer his first planet.

"So, Dib-worm, how do you suggest we take over this filthy planet? Slavery? Destruction?" Zim asked.

"You said something about Sovorans being gullible, right?"

"Yes."

"Then slavery, I guess," Dib said.

Zim gives him a thumbs up and lands the ship. The two got out, and were immediately greeted with confused faces from short and stubby, three eyed aliens with pale blue skin, pointy ears, and bright pink hair. They also seemed to have no necks, and their heads floated above their torsos.

Soon, after they stepped out of the ship and onto the deep purple grass, another Sovoran with long, curly, slicked back hair and a brightly colored bandana around her nonexistent neck ran up to them. She was a lot shorter than the others, surprisingly.

She cleared her throat and spoke very loudly. "GREETINGS!! My name is Morticia, I am the leader of Sovora!! We have not had visitors in years; what might you be here for?!"

Dib cleared his throat, though Zim spoke before he could.

"We're here to take over your job running the planet by enslavement and if you do not oblige we will destroy your entire planet and wipe out your population."

Dib hit his forehead with the palm of his hand, while Morticia looked extremely horrified.

Zim just laughed. "Yeahhh, you better surrender now. We won't hesitate."

Dib wanted to bang his head against a fucking wall.

"P-please don't destroy my home..." Morticia muttered.

"Only if you let us enslave all of you. Of course, you'll be our second in command though, as we have plenty of places we need to be soon."

"ANYTHING!!!! What do we do first, uh-"

"Zim. I'm Zim, and this is my partner Dib. Go get us a snack, we're very tired and hungry after that long-ass trip." For some reason when Zim referred to him as his partner, Dib began to feel all warm and fuzzy-like.

"Y-yes Zim!! GUYS GO GET SOME GOOD FLARPING SNACKS OR ALL KICK YOUR REAR ENDS TO THE MOONS AND BACK!!!" She screamed.

Zim found their obedience amusing. Dib however wanted to climb to the highest building on this planet and jump off at how stupidly easy this was and how idiotically this whole conversation went. And just in general.

The irken got two lawn chairs out from the back of the ship and put them down, sitting in one impatiently waiting for food.

"Well, don't just stand there, Dib-shit, sit down." He told the human. Dib did as such. "You know, you and these Sovoran weirdos are way better at following orders than GIR has ever been. It's rather nice."

"Maybe that's because you're harmless towards him and him only. Or he's just a dumbass."

"The second statement is accurate, the first is not."

"If you say so."

Soon, four Sovorans came hauling over a huge basket of different snacks, the best on their planet to be exact. Zim gave his signature smirk, while Dib felt queasy at the sight of the food. He couldn't eat a bite of that, no matter how good it looked. They looked extremely unhealthy. They would ruin his body.

The irken immediately began shoving food into his mouth, as if he hadn't eaten in days. He offered some to Dib but the human just refused and told him he had no appetite. Zim just shrugged it off and continued eating.

After a while the two left after shoving a giant-ass flag in between the two so called "continents" on Sovora. Zim saved some of the snacks for later, which only made Dib want them more. But he couldn't. He knew that. His progress would be ruined.

The two then found themselves back at Vedrinia. Dib wanted to think about planning things better and actually thinking things through, because it's pretty obvious that no other planet would go down that easily, no matter how many feet taller they were.

Zim groaned at this, but agreed. It's not like he really knew what to tell them to do afterwards either way, he didn't think he'd actually get that far that easily.

Once they got back to their base, they sort of just chilled for the rest of the day. In a couple days they would try to do a BETTER job, because boy was that planet way to easy like Jesus Christ that was so fucking boring and that whole conversation was so idiotic I swear to god I-

Anyways, Dib flopped onto the couch, alongside Zim who was currently eating another one of those snacks. Irkens really like snacks, huh?

Dib turned on the TV, which was luckily one from earth so he was actually familiar with the bullshitty apps on it. He turned on one of the movies he was planning on watching out of pure boredom, hoping it could potentially spark an idea in his head about how to take over other planets.

Taking over the universe is hard. Maybe they SHOULD just blow shit up willy nilly. That'd be less uninteresting and might actually be fun.

Suddenly he felt something leaning onto his shoulder.

Zim.

The irken was staring at the tv and cuddling into the human, a blanket over his lap.

Fuck. He shouldn't be this cute.

Wait wha- WAIT SHIT HE'S NOT CUTE NO NO NO NO-

A/N
Lol this whole thing was a filler you're welcome- have a nice day, idk when the hell the next part will be my brain hurts and idk how the fuck to continue