His Little Dove (Bill Cipher X Reader)

Bill's Good Deed

Before me is a confused blonde stranger looking at his bare arms in absolute horror. In fact, everything about him is bare.

"AGH! NUDE BLONDE BOY!" I shout and scream as I cover my eyes. The "nude blonde boy" finally realizes the situation and figures out how to cover his eyes and scream, too.

"Now what in spittlebaskets is going on here?" An old, shrill voice tries to overtake the volume of the screaming. I slowly uncover my eyes and turn to look behind me. There is some...old hillbilly with a long beard. Who on Earth grows their beard that long???

It takes a minute before the old hillbilly notices the statue, "My garden whop-a-dangle!" The man hurries to where the statue was.

"Where is it???" The hillbilly asks in a panic as he looks under a small stone, "And why is a naked pretty boy screaming where it should be?

"Because the 'naked pretty boy' is your 'garden whop-a-dangle?" I suggest. The man takes a closer look at the nude blonde boy before he slaps him.

"WOO! Do that again!" The boy says.

"Yup, you're right," The hillbilly pauses, "Welp, I boutta be committing murder tonight!"

I stand up and go between the hillbilly and who is obviously Bill, "Oh no you don't."

"You do realize what Bill coming back in a physical form means, right?" The hillbilly asks, "It means that the end times are here!"

I look around, "Then where are the end times?" The hillbilly looks around his surroundings, including the sky. He looks surprised that nothing doom-y is happening here.

"Alright, Triangle, what are you blumbling about?" The hillbilly turns to Bill. Bill snaps his fingers and expectantly looks at his hands. When his fingers don't turn into a bunch of parasitic worms or something, he keeps snapping his fingers in desperation.

"Well, this is a development," The hillbilly says, "It looks like your evil chaos magic went ka-poot!" Bill stops snapping, starting to look very angry about the news.

"As I expected!" Bill stands up, "That know-it-all amphibian would never leave a physical form to be found without cursing it!" Since Bill can't burn down the garden, he tries to punch a tree instead. The tree wins the fight.

"Uh, hey, sir," I say to the hillbilly, "We're kinda on the run. The Pines family wants to shoot me with this weird laser gun, so do you mind if we stick around for a bit?"

"The first place they'll look for you is where that whop-a-dangle was, which happens to be right at this Hootenanny Hut!" The hillbilly gestures at the hut, "Of course, I could help you make nice with the Pines. I just gotta scoo-dee-loo and daddle-the-tuu." I look at Bill in utter confusion.

"Come on, we got half an hour at most," The man grabs both our wrists and drags us into the manor.

Bill's idea of a "disguise" is very poor. He adjusts his little black bow tie with great pride, as if he thinks that cosplaying as himself is going to work on the Pines. It would work, if he didn't stubbornly stick with the yellow polo and black jacket combo. Thank goodness the Hut doesn't carry any ways to hide second eyes or top hats. According to Bill, the utter lack of top hats is a hate crime against dream demons.

Old Man Mcgucket comes walking in. He has a tray of cookies, well, cookie crumbs. All of the cookies are eaten.

"Well, they're here," Mcgucket says, "Although maybe the only one dressed not like they're trying to stay as evil as a fliffleginnie should come out. They need a friendly face before they can take...that!"

"You really think those kids would recognize me?" Bill steps forward as if he's about to leave the room.

Mcgucket blocks the way, "And they'll make sure you'll go ka-poot! Dead!" Now, the idea of death is enough for slight hesitation. Of course, the idea of mortality actually affecting him is still brand new to who once was an all-powerful demon.