As Cold As Ice

Rational

After a couple of days, Avery seemed to become himself again. He was no longer sweating or nauseous. He was finally sleeping through the nights and staying awake during the day. Although, this is when his cravings began; and I could see the cravings plastered all over his face.

He started to bite his nails, crack his knuckles, bite his lip and pick skin from his fingers. You could see that it got especially bad around night time. However he seemed to be resisting the urges.

We sat in a old fashioned diner, with forks and knives laid out in-front of us. The music echoed through the diner, yet was surprisingly nice to listen to. Avery sat slouched across from me, with very little energy. He hadn't eaten today which led us to where we are right now.

"Anything I can get you boys?" The waitress asked with a polite tone and warm smile. I hated my job at my restaurant. Being nice to people after a couple of hours becomes exhausting.
"I'll take a steak and fries" I announced before glancing over at Avery who just stared at the menu.
"Can I get chicken wings and fries and a milkshake, preferably chocolate?!" He rambled quickly, his body becoming more relaxed as he spoke.

There was silence for awhile as neither of us knew what to say.

"What's wrong with you, you've been acting strange lately?" Avery admitted as he shoved fries into his mouth.

Ever since I had met Ace, I had been wondering who he was. If what I did for him that night would come back to bite me later. I was never the most rational person; Avery knew when something was wrong and something was definitely wrong right now. I didn't like the people we were becoming, but we had no choice. I guess this was always the path we were destined to walk down.

"Nothing, I'm good" I nodded, attempting to distract him by pointing out that he only had eleven chicken wings instead of twelve.
"I won't be staying with you for much longer, I swear. I'm just trying to get a job!" He rambled, thinking that he was the reason for my anxiety.
"Avery, I'm fine with you staying with me. I couldn't give a fuck about Josephine and the other kids quite honestly" I stated, rolling my eyes at the thought of them.

I think apart of me knew what the future held for us.

"Finish eating and we can leave" I uttered, staring out the window. Avery just nodded, seeming defeated that he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. He didn't need to know.

I still struggled with eating. I had gained weight but I was still thinner than the average person. I never wore short sleeves and always had a jumper on. My plate was usually half empty, I could never finish all of it. Josephine dragged me to the doctor last year, unwillingly. She didn't want to bring me but she had no choice or else I was going to die from starvation. Instead of helping me, she just insulted me as we sat in the waiting room of the hospital, wondering why I was starving myself. I wasn't intentionally doing it, or maybe I was. I had grown up without food most days. I was hesitant to eat because my mental state was unhealthy. I was severely depressed and isolated, I didn't have anyone so I didn't see the point in eating. Loneliness is a disease within itself.

It's only until the doctor told me that I'd die, I began to eat again....... All because I knew Avery would eventually need me again.

So now I try to eat, I still get sick and I still resist but I try and that's the most important thing. I've never told Avery about my difficulties with eating. Mainly because I feel as though he would blame himself.

We are very toxic people to each other; We depend on each other so heavily but it's all we've ever known. The only person I've ever known is Avery. The only person who has never left is Avery.