As Cold As Ice

Roses

I wiped the blood from my hands as I stood in-front of the three boys who lay on the ground. I could barely remember what happened, it happened so quickly. They weren't children anymore so I could hold them accountable for what happened to Avery. None of them put up a fight. They were all as high as a kite anyway. I knew I was slipping. Falling deeper and deeper into someone I didn't want to become. Yet for some reason, I let it consume me. This way no one could ever hurt the people I love again; not that there was anyone left.

A couple years ago, I wouldn't of touched those boys, but lately I can't seem to control my anger. I knew I needed help, but I didn't know if I was worth saving.

I walked back to Ace's house, and saw him on the way up the stairs.
"What the fuck happened to you?" He spat, yet he seemed worried.
"Nothing important," I blurted, not stopping to speak. He followed me anyway.
"Ice, what the fuck? You can't come home with literal blood on your hands and not tell me what happened, were you attacked?" He questioned, the crease between his eyebrows was so deep.
"No, I attacked Avery's druggie friends. They deserved what they got." I nodded, walking into my room and entering the bathroom.
"Ice, you need to get some help. I need my right hand to be able to control himself. You're not invincible. What if someone had a gun, or what if someone saw you?" He stressed, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything.

"Ace, stop. Let's be honest, you don't care so why are you questioning me right now? You're one to speak about morals," I argued, and he seemed unfazed by my jab.
"At-least I don't go around beating up kids," he spat, narrowing his eyes at me as I washed the blood off my hands.
"They weren't kids anymore, just like Avery. If you're old enough to get high, you're old enough to know that getting a child into drugs is wrong." I walked away, heading downstairs and he kept following me.

I walked into the kitchen where Sofia sat, eating a bowl of cereal. I sat next to her, hoping Ace wouldn't speak on the subject in-front of her.

"You think she'll stop me from convincing you that you need a fucking shrink, pull your shit together!" He yelled, while Sofia raised her eyebrows in shock. She stayed quiet though.
"My shit is fine," I yelled back, standing to my feet, facing him.
"Clearly not, especially if you're going around fighting kids," Ace snapped, pushing a singular finger into my chest.
"Stay out of this. This is about my family, my brother." I shouted, smacking Ace's hand away.

"Guys, you should try some of this cereal," Sofia muttered, scooping another spoonful into her mouth. She was completely ignoring the situation or trying to diffuse it, either way I looked at her and then back at Ace.
"Get your shit together, I don't care if you have to go to a shrink, a doctor, whatever. Get it together," Ace grumbled, pinching the bridge between his nose.
"I don't take advice from a hypocrite," I replied with a sneer.

"Alex, come." Sofia stood up from the table and walked out the room. I glanced at Ace who shrugged carelessly.
"Go," he demanded, walking out of the room.

I couldn't see where Sofia had went.

She yelled my name from outside and I followed her. She kept walking, and walking before I knew it, we were at the graveyard.

"Sofia, what are you doing?" I sighed, shaking my head.
"Come on, Alex, I want to see his grave," She said, walking through the gates.
"Sofia, I don't come here anymore." I turned around.
"Please Alex, for me," She asked, and for some reason I couldn't deny. I didn't want to show her Avery's grave, or the place where I stood alone when he lowered into the ground.

I walked up to the grave and saw the wilted flowers on his grave. I hadn't been taking care of it, and it was noticeable. I still felt the same dread, just as much as the day he left.

"This is it," I spoke, my voice was emotionless. The picture on his grave crushed me. He was so happy before.
"It's a nice grave," Sofia muttered, picking up the dead flowers. "We should get new ones."
"No Sof, he's dead. The flowers don't matter." I rejected her proposal.
"Then I'll get new ones. I'm not having his grave looking like no one cared for him," She stated, rolling in the pity she felt for me. "Ace doesn't understand Alex, he doesn't have siblings. He doesn't know what it's like to be willing to sacrifice your life for someone, to take their place. He only knows all I can give him."

I wondered where she was going with this.

"My brothers are everything to me and I'll probably never see them again, I know it's not the same, and I only know a fraction of your pain but I'm here if you ever need to talk." She placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Sofia, nobody understands anything, I could talk to you, but what would you say?" I asked her, my face expressionless. She stayed silent for a moment. "You don't understand, you never will."

"Alex, you're allowed to be angry, be angry at me if you have to, just stop being so angry at the world," She muttered, turning back to the grave. "Stop being angry at him."
"It's not that simple, you know it's not," I replied with a sigh, running my hands through my white hair.
"I know, but I'll still be here, if you need me that is," She uttered, pulling a packet of seeds out her pocket.

"It's roses," she spoke, digging under the stones through to the dirt, before putting a couple in the hole and covering it back up. "They're called Nina Avery Camellia roses," She smiled.

And before I knew it, I had my arms around Sofia.
"It's okay Alex, you still have people who care for you," She squeezed her arms around me.