jack is dead

7

Jacelyn:

i don't really remember anything from last night, just that i was really high and wasted. i love it. i love not feeling anything, skipping over my memory. i looked at my phone and see someone called "ag". i don't even know who she is. i opened it.

oh shit. its the girl i made out with last night. i mean i guess its good she actually snapped me. she just said "hey its ag. from last night." i snapped her back with "oh yeah hey." I was really hungover and not like it didn't happen often, but i was just so sore all over my body. i got up, my legs feeling like jelly. i stumbled over to the bathroom, gripping onto the walls to not fall over. i saw myself in the mirror. my hair was messy and my makeup was smeared. i noticed extra cuts on my thighs that weren't there before. i guess last night was rough. 

i went downstairs and got some water and advil and i sat on the couch watching Shameless. ag snapped me back a couple minutes later, asking me if i was ok from last night. i had no idea what happened or how i even got home, so i just said i was fine and for her not to worry. we chatted about basic things and hobbies and shit like that.

the she mentioned she was going skateboarding later and asked if i wanted to come. i've never done it and tbh i have really bad coordination regularly, let alone while having a hangover. but i didn't want to make her mad or disappoint her, i've already done that enough.  i went to my room, struggling to make it up the stairs, everything was spinning. 

i went to my room to pick out an outfit for skating. what the fuck do i even wear. i don't wanna wear something nice because i'm definitely gonna fall, so i settled on some light blue tie dye sweatpants and a black loose tank top. i pulled my hair into a half up half down, washed my face, and just put on mascara. i got my phone and water and went out to my car.

driving over to the park, i was really nervous for some reason. i don't even know why. its not like she likes me and even if she did, i would just fuck it up like i do every time. so fuck it of course i'm gonna just go for it. before pulling into the parking lot, i took some hits from my pen. it calmed me down. i parked and when i got out of the car, the world was spinning so much omfg. i sat down and drank some water. i have literally no idea how i'm going to get through however long im gonna be here. 

i walked up through the path and past the playground. i saw ag playing basketball with a few other people. they were playing 2v2, and she was playing with another girl i know i've seen before. mya? maria? mia? idk but we have definitely met before. i sat at a picnic table, listening to music and watching them. then i looked around at the park. it has what i guess is a skating area, a playground, basketball courts, and a beach volleyball court. 

apparently i didnt notice ag come up to me, but anyways she said hello and gave me a hug. she said i could be the score keeper for their game. standing up, i tripped, but caught myself with the table. she noticed, but i just smiled. i sat on the concrete and held my fingers up for each side. she was really good, her friend too. they were laughing and i could tell they were talking about me. they kept looking over at me. what the fuck did i do now. like for real.