jack is dead

11

edited: 2/8

jack:

i was feeling a little better when she mentioned going in the hot tub. i knew we had to do something, not just sit there staring at each other. i really don't want her to worry about me. i'm fine. i'm not dying or anything. it's not her problem or anyone else's to worry about. my dad doesn't notice. my mom lives back in our old house with both of my younger sisters, and they never said anything. i feel invisible, and i like it that way sometimes, but i cant be invisible forever. 

i nodded as a response, thinking about what the fuck i was going to wear. "i didn't bring anything to wear." she said. i knew going up the stairs would be nearly impossible after yesterday and today, but i didn't trip. i just went slow, trying not to stumble so she didn't notice. "do you want me to help?" she asked. well shit. "no, i got it. thanks though." i continued, slowly. i felt her hands on my waist, burning like a knife. i didn't want her to find out. badly. i know its not easy to hide, but it's so embarrassing.

we got into my room and i was so tired already from barely climbing the stairs. i laid down on my bed and ran my fingers through my hair. she was staring at me. i could tell. was my shirt up? did my pants go too far down? i really don't want to mess this up. at least not right now. oh yeah. duh. 

"there's plently of stuff in the closet, you can wear whatever you want." i said. she nodded, but before going into the closet, she asked me what i was going to wear.  at this point it really didn't matter what i wore, i was just going to cover up anyways. "idk. u can pick" in hindsight, i knew what she was trying to do. i knew she would use what i said against me. she came out with a red bikini i hadn't worn in years. over 4. i knew i was going to wear a t-shirt and shorts anyways, so i decided to mess with her.

i laughed and hid my face in the pillows from embarrassment. "what?" she asked. i could tell she was messing with me. "you said i could pick." i just shoved my face farther in the pillows. she laughed and got on the bed, her weight moving me. she was on top of me, turning me over so she could see my face. "can you please wear this?" she pleaded. i looked at her, she was right above me, her hair so long, it touched my face. i hadn't been in this position in a while and i forgot what it was like. i just said fine. as i got up, she yelled about how happy she was or something, i still couldn't hear very well. its like being high, but in a bad way. "i'm wearing a t-shirt over it. duh." i said, rolling my eyes. 

she went into the closet and took a few minutes to change. i went on tiktok and came across one of her videos. she was just dancing, but she seriously looked attractive. i heard her open the closet door, so i put my phone next to me. she walked out in a sports bra and swim trunks, looking hot as fuck. "damn. you're so hot grace." i said. i knew she wouldn't like me calling her that, and i was right. she looked right at me. "don't call me that." she said. she sounded so funny when she was "mad".  "what? grace, are you saying i can't say your name?" i said, teasing her. normally this would lead to us having sex, but neither of us, rather me specifically i guess, won't do that right now. she threw the bikini at me and told me to hurry up.

i went into the closet (ironic right?) and changed into the swimsuit, looking at myself in the mirror. my body looks like death. my stomach is literally shreds. my thighs are so scarred, there's barely any place that's not. my arms are so thin, they look like they could snap at any moment. i barely have any boobs and my ass is the only thing that hasn't totally changed. i put on my volleyball shorts and an oversized t-shirt and walk out. she was checking me out, but there is literally nothing attractive to look at. unless she's into corpses. which i, for the record, am not.

"you are so beautiful." she said, checking me out. i really don't feel like arguing about this, so i just smiled and walked to the door. she was just staring at me. falling madly in love with me. JKJK. i'm so funny. i know. "are you coming or not?" i asked, showing my dimples on purpose. she got up and walked over to me.