Letting Him In

Chapter-39

"Over and over
Lost again with no surprises
Disappointments, close your eyes
And it gets colder and colder
When the sun goes down"

-Coney Island, Taylor Swift ft. The National
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Elijah

Elijah closed his eyes, leaning his head against the cool window. The day had barely started, and he already couldn't wait for it to be over.

It didn't feel like two days had already passed since his first round of chemo. Yet the fact that he was in a car, heading for round two, proved otherwise.

All day yesterday, his mind had been going back to the conversation he had had with Dean at the carnival the night before. When Dean had told Elijah about Brian, Elijah hadn't had much of a reaction. He supposed it was because he had been too shocked to react the way he actually felt- scared and cornered.

He wasn't ready to come out yet. Lily and Leo finding out had been an accident, and it had gone well. Still, Elijah couldn't bring himself to tell everyone just yet, too scared of seeing disgust or disappointment on the face of someone he loved because they couldn't accept it. Couldn't accept him.

He wasn't sure how Dean had seemed so calm about everything, including his family finding out. He guessed Christian had already known; him and Dean were too close, and by the way Christian had reacted, he hadn't seemed the slightest bit surprised.

And then again, maybe Dean hadn't been as calm as he had appeared to be. Chris did mention him punching a wall.

But none of that mattered- not how they felt, or whether or not he was ready- if this Brian guy, who Elijah didn't even know, decided he wanted their secret out.

That's why he hadn't been able to stop the relief he felt last night when Dean called him, telling him that Christian had agreed with the Wests to fake the engagement with their daughter, in exchange for them not leaking those pictures. He felt guilty that Chris had to do this for them, but the selfish part of him was greatful and relieved.

The Hernandez family was well-known, and Dean and Christian had grown up in the public eye, but Elijah hadn't. He wasn't sure he could handle being criticized by the world for being who he was, falling for the boy he liked.

The car coming to a stop jolted him out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes, stretching his sore back.

"You ready?" his father asked from the driver's seat, looking at him in the rear view mirror.

"No," Elijah grumbled.

His mother turned around, giving him a small, supportive smile.

"Just one day, and then you're free for the next two," she said, trying to play the optimist.

Elijah cracked a smile at that. "Isn't the optimism dad's job?" he teased.

His mother rolled her eyes. "Let's go."

Lily and Leo were already at school, but Elijah knew they'd come back later. Lily had made that very clear, threatening to hit him with her stilletos when he suggested for them to stay at home instead of coming to the hospital because he would be home by night anyway.

By the time they reached the oncology ward, Elijah's nervousness had risen by tenfold. He wasn't even sure why; he'd done this plenty times before, he knew it was just medication. But coming here sent irrational spikes of fear down his spine.

He took a deep breath, willing himself to keep moving. They finally reached the room he had occupied last time, and his mother opened the door, leading him inside.