Recklessly, Impossibly, Yet Beautifully You

19

TW: Non-consensual kissing, panic attacks, and vomit.

Vanna's POV:

The boys started recording and it was lovely.

They were all so relaxed and I genuinely enjoyed their presence.

And it also seemed like they enjoyed me too, I was having so much fun.

Plus I got to listen to their music which was completely indescribable.

About halfway through their session my throat felt tight which is a symptom that my anxiety is kicking in.

I sit and try to just let it run it's course. I breathe in and out and attempt to stay discreet.

I try to ground myself but my panic is rising, the loud instruments were both soothing me and also making me more anxious.

"Hey mind if I step outside for a minute?" I but in.

Wil looks concerned and says, "yeah no problem, are you ok?"

I nod my head and try to walk out casually but I know I went too fast.

I leave the building and try to collect myself.

I've grown up with anxiety my entire life, this isn't anything new.

I take deep breaths but my body is constantly trying to convince me something is wrong.

It feels like my mind is being torn seven different directions and I can't keep up.

My breath is heavy and I feel lightheaded, in the distance I can hear a door open.

Wil is running over to me and looks confused.

"Vanna, what's happening?"

I can barely get words out, "I dnt kno ..w"

Wil's eyes shoot up with fear and he grabs onto my arms to keep me stable.

He grabs my face and makes me look at him. Just his face makes me feel safer.

"I know everyone says it but you have to breathe ok? You need big breaths let some air in."

I nod my head and try to loosen my throat.

He hugs me and uses his hands to guide my head against his chest right where his heart is.

"Can you hear my heart?"

I wait and listen and I can, so I nod my head.

"Ok and can you hear my breath coming in and out?"

I approve again.

"Alright try and match my breath with me."

I match with him and I can feel my body relaxing, Wil holds onto me.

He goes to rest his hand near my neck and a memory flashes through my eyes.