Eighteen

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Two years later.

Logan

I walked into Jeff's Coffee one morning before I went to work.

I work an old record store now and made a ton of new friends.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss Xavier.

I missed him more than anything in the life.

I wonder if he still works here.

I haven't dated anyone since I left Xavier. He had ruined me for everyone else and I couldn't so much as go on a simple date with another person's without being sad it isn't Xavier.

I wonder if he's the same way or if he has a boyfriend now.

I walked inside and the sweet smell of coffee hit my nose. The shop looked the same. Almost like a Starbucks but with a different taste to it.

A taste that felt so much like home.

I walked to the desk and saw Xavier. God, he was hot and tall.

He had dropped the blond highlights and his hair was now longer. A bit past his shoulders and brushing against his collar bone.

I was happy to see him again when I saw a hickey on his neck and I realized his he was taken.

I hadn't ruined him for everyone else and he can live without me by his side.

Unlike me who could hardly function without him with me.

It's taken quite a toll on me and now I guess I'll have to deal with it.

I'm not getting my baby back.

My sweet angel.

Caring and lovable.

I hadn't even realized I was staring at him until he spoke up.

"What is you want, Logan?" He growled.

Even with his fierce attitude - much like the one he had when we first met-  my name still rolled perfectly off his tongue. His deep voice was music to my ears.

"Ummm, c- coffee!" I squeaked.

Xavier rolled his eyes.

"What kind? Come on I don't have all day!" He said tapping his watch.

"Oh um, black with vanilla creamer. Can't believe I have to tell you though. You used to always have my coffee ready when I walked through the door," I said.

"That was two years ago, dick head. I'm not going to remember a past boyfriend's coffee from two years ago," Xavier said.

"Am I only a past boyfriend to you?"

"What else would you be?"

"Someone special who left two years ago?"

"Haha, why would you think that? No, you mean nothing to me now."

"Did I ever mean anything to you?" I asked.

"Maybe once. Of course, if you meant the world to me I would've tried harder to keep you."

"Oh..."

I felt hot tears sting my eyes and I hung my head so Xavier wouldn't see.

I never meant anything to the one I left my heart with.

I still love him more than anything in the world.

But I guess he doesn't feel the same.

"Do you want your coffee?" Xavier asked.

I nodded - couldn't take because of the lump in my throat - and took the coffee and left.

I didn't drink any of it I just threw it away and walked down the street with tears streaming down my face.

By the time I had arrived at the record store I had cried myself dry. There was nothing left in my tears glands anymore and I went to work.

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Xavier

Logan still does mean everything to me but I can't accept him back. He left, twice. I can't afford to keep getting him back and then losing him again.

I felt like I was apart of just some sick game he played where he broke my heart a million times over.

But I did see the tears in his eyes when I told him I never really loved him.

If only I could know if he really loves me too.

Crying doesn't cut it for me I need a sign he really loves me more than anyone else.

Because all this sex I've been having with random people haven't been working.

I can only thing my Logan and the way it felt when I had sex with him.

Perhaps if he came back I can talk to him without being rude.

But I feel as if I lost my chance.

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