I wish I had the words,
the ones filling my head.
The ones escaping my lips because the argument in my head just cannot be contained there.
Words I could use to describe the universe as breath taking beautiful, magnificent... BRILLIANT, FANTASTIC, extraordinarily beautiful.
To describe my friends as genius's with hearts that showed me that not everyone is mean, cruel--a bully.
The words to be able to do my english homework and not bullshit through my history homework.
The ones I am typing because if I think too much about what I'm doing I might just delete them all.
The LORD KNOWS how many words I have used to portray a character in a story of mine that I will never published because I am just too scared that people will use harsh words against her, my writing, and me.
I wish I had the words to express thoughts I feel can only be put into drawings or said by a character. Drawings I'll never draw and a character that will have to speak for me because I just can't do it for myself.
There are things I want to do. Run off and look at the starts in the sky--THE GALAXIES given names with numbers and without by NASA and others and to run and run and run into fantasies and books and movies and TV shows and fan-fiction until my mind is not torturing me when the word lonely becomes a feeling.
And oh dear God, I want to be able to tell my friends how wonderful they are. Dear GOD I want to tell them they are some of the most BRILLIANT and KIND and LOVING people that I have ever met, and if they ever look in the mirror and think they might break it that they shouldn't. If the mirror breaks it is because it could not handle their.... them. Oh dear GOD do I wish I had the words that make nme think too much and cause me pain... I wish I could say them or type them to the people that need them so that maybe, maybe, maybe they might be able to think 'Hey, I'm not that bad.' instead of negative things.
Oh dear lord I want the people around me, that are insecure--all of the people that are insecure, to just tell them that, hey, you're wonderful. Thank you for existing.
But apparently that is rare. Apparently the words are only ever found when they cannot help someone else or even help me do something as simple as my homework because my head is just too damn loud.
To any and everyone that reads this, I do not have the words to tell you--to convince you, that you are wonderful, but goddamn it you are. And those words would be a freaking start to even begin to explain it all.
Actions are said to speak louder than words, but dear GOD, I have seen what words can do and I really, really, wa--need them, at this point. They can take down a person or lift them up.
So I really wish I had the words inside my head, that are kind and not cruel. And maybe could help a person or two.
