It's been hitting me for while that touch, like a tap on the shoulder or a hug, is so odd for me because its never really happened often in my life and so I'd never really ike hugs or anything like kisses on the cheek. No idea why though, but I think i've figured it out now.
Cause I don't mind if my friends hug me, whether face to face friends or technologically. I don't, but I hate it when my Mom hugs me, hate it to my core. When my grandma does it it's alright, kind of awkward, with other family members it's just me being polite unless I actually want to hug them. And I hate it when my Mom kisses me on the cheek, hate it. And I'd hate it when I was younger and one of my tias would do it, so I figured I just didn't like either of those entirely, but that's not the case. I don't mind being hugged by my friends, an I imagine if one of them ever kissed my cheek I wouldn't mind. I don't have a problem with those things, physical contact, I have a problem with people I'm not close to or feel strongly enough for doing it.
Guess that says how close I am with my mom, and how strongly I feel for a good majority of my family, not strong at all really, more automatic than anything.
Honestly I've never really been hugged much and I think things that you do with someone you do them because you're comfortbale with them and love them and or feel strongly for them, so I guess that adds onto it. Some people may take touch forgranted but I think I would be a lot happier than I am now if I had some more of it, because it's hard to feel loved when no one is making any sort of contact with you. There's even been a study sometime ago with babies and some of them actually died because they weren't held enough. Yeah, i'd be a lot happier if I got hugged more, cause, cause hugs are actually really nice, and I love them, just not from people that I just... just.. just can't... just can't hug back when they hug me--just don't want to hug. I don't even like it when my Mom taps me on the shoulder...
It's now just hitting me that I might actually be posting this online. Where people will read it. Possibly be affected somehow. In some way or form. God that seems a LOT more terrifying than it did in my head. I'm wondering why this didn't occur to me when I joinded this thing... huh.
Well that's that then and uh?? Hey, to anyone reading this, I hope you're alright. Have a good night or day wherever you are.
