NO REGRET FOR LOVE

#4

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"Ahra, are you okay?" Dad entered my room. I'm in my bed right now, crying because of what just happened between me and Andrei.

Pinunasan ko ang luha ko saka umalis sa pagkakadapa at sumandal sa higaan, saka hinarap si daddy.

"I'm fine, dad." I answered and give him a small smile.

I know his worried, but I'm fine. I can get through this, all of this.

"You're saying those words but your eyes are telling the opposite, Ahra." He sighed and went to the right side of my bed.

"I...I just can't believe that all of this...is happening, dad. I know we can get through this but how long will it take for us to wait 'til everything gets back to normal" He lean on me and caressed my hair.

"Every pain has a purpose. If you're suffering right now, it doesn't mean that you'll suffer forever. The wheel of life will always continue rolling. If you're down today, maybe you should stand up and try moving forward to reach the top" He explained. I get his point but I still can't get over of what's just happening to us.

"What makes you believe all of that, dad? I mean, you still believe in those fascinating words of wisdom even if you already suffered a lot and we...we're still suffering right now?" I ask curiously.

I saw dad many times cried. He suffered a lot of pain. First, when mom dies. Second, his boss fired him. Third, I'm sick. He still keeps on believing, and he never stop.

"When you believe, you live. When you believe, you move forward. When you believe, you will see the good sides in everything. You can't survive for just a minute living if you don't believe" I'm more confused right now. Dad smiled at me and gesture to speak up again.

"Hindi mo ba naisip na kong hindi ka naniniwalang may magandang future na naghihintay sa'yo, e hindi ka mag-aaral ng maayos. Kong hindi ka naniniwalang kailangan mong kumain para maging healthy ka at mawala 'yong gutom mo, e baka hindi ka kumain at mamatay ka na lang sa gutom. We all believe in some things, in different things. Kong may nabalitaan ka sa TV, na may paparating na bagyo at kailangan mong maghanda, kapag hindi ka maniniwala do'n. Sa tingin mo ba buhay ka pa ngayon?" He explained again and I understand now. I just stare at him like a kid, waiting for a story he will tell.

"What I'm pointing is, in order to survive this game called life. We should believe that we will get through everything comes in our life. Nothing is permanent, everything changed and will continue changing. No one can foresee, detect, or predict on what will happen the next day. When we believe, we survive. So don't stop believing, in order for you to survive" He meaningfully said the last phrases. I hugged him and rest my head to his chest. Dad is my comforter, as always.

I should not overthink so much and shouldn't be surrounded with negativities. Dad is right. I should believe, for me to survive.

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I went to school without Andrei's presence. Hindi rin kami magkatabi dahil lumipat siya ng seat, pinayagan naman siya ni ma'am. I let out a heavy sigh, I know I hurt him. I want to hug him, but I can't. What I did is final.

Kumain ako ng mag-isa, pumasok ako ng mag-isa. Uuwi rin ako ng mag-isa. May mga nakakasalamuha naman akong mga tao, may mga kilala na rin ako at may mga nakakakilala na rin sa'kin. Pero si Andrei lang talaga ang palagi kong kasama, siya lang rin ang lagi kong nakakausap.

"Huy pre oh, si Ahra" Napabalik ako sa reyalidad ng marinig ko ang kaibigan ni Andrei. Naglalakad sila papunta sa side ko, malapit kase ako sa may counter.

Our eyes met, pero umiwas rin siya kaagad. His stares are so cold, there's nothing else you can read through his eyes but only, you can see...pain. He is in pain.

"I don't care" He coldly said and walked away. Nagpunta na siya sa counter, sumunod naman agad 'yong mga kaibigan niya. Nagtataka at nakikiusyoso kong bakit gano'n siya umasta.

I just looked down, I badly wanna cry. This isn't the right time to do that so I wiped my tears away.

Bumalik na ako sa room at nakinig na lang sa discussions. I tried to focus but I can't, lalo na kapag napapasulyap ako sa kaniya. He acted so normal, but I know deep inside he's also thinking about me.

I should stop myself. I should stop showing him na nasasaktan ako, na baka pinagsisihan ko 'yong ginawa ko. The more na nakikita niyang gano'n ang inaasta ko, the more na mabubuo 'yong thought sa isip niya na kausapin at pilitin ako.

'Be strong Ahra! Nagawa mo na ang dapat mong gawin'

"Class, dismissed!" Saad ng last subject teacher namin. Niligpit ko na kaagad ang mga gamit ko para makauwi na'ko kaagad.

"Uy, nabalitaan ko. Nililigawan mo daw si Ammahra, 'yong nasa kabilang building!" I heard Andrei and his friends talking.

"Ay naks! Kaya pala lumalayo kay Ahra kase may ibang bet" Dagdag naman no'ng isa at nagtawanan sila. Tumawa rin si Andrei, and he suddenly saw me staring at him.

His smile faded. He avoided my gaze and finished fixing his things.

"Tara na" Saad niya sa mga kasama niya. Napatingin sila sa'kin and they gave me an apologetic smile, dahil siguro sa sinabi nila na narinig ko.

I just gave them a light nod. Kinuha ko na rin ang bag ko at naglakad papunta sa may gate.

Hinintay ko lang si Daddy. Nang makauwi na kami, dumeretso agad ako sa kwarto para magbihis. Dad went to the kitchen to cook dinner.

Bumaba na rin agad ako para sabay na kami ni daddy na kumain. I never heard about what happened to dad's work, mula no'ng nakalabas ako sa hospital wala na siyang na ku-kwento sa'kin.

"Dad, kamusta work mo?" Tanong ko habang kumakain kami.

"Maayos naman. Muntik na akong ma promote pero since may emergency, hindi natuloy. Pero ayos lang, kase napunta naman 'yong promotion sa kasamahan ko na deserving. Matagal na siya do'n sa company, pero ngayon lang siya ma po-promote as head" Pagku-kwento ni daddy. Kitang-kita ko naman na hindi siya nanghinayang, masaya siya kahit hindi siya na promote.

Dad isn't the type of person na magkikimkim ng panghihinayang o maiinggit sa achievement ng iba. Hindi rin siya nagagalit kapag may ibang taong nakakuha ng gusto niya embis na sa kaniya sana 'yon naunang i-offer. Dad is too kind, ceni-celebrate niya 'yong achievement ng iba kahit pa mas tumaas sila kaysa sa kaniya.

"Ikaw, kamusta naman ang pag-aaral mo?" Dad also ask.

"Ayos naman po, maganda naman po 'yong performance ko so far. Satisfied naman po ako sa lahat pati teachers ko, wala naman po silang complain"

"Mabuti naman kong gano'n" We finished our dinner at nagpaalam na ako kay daddy na matutulog na.

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