Small World has Benefits

IV 1/2

Vacation na!

Expectation: Masaya, Enjoy ang summer, Gala with friends
Reality: I have more time to reminisce the past

:(

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Kahit saan, kahit anong gawin ko, dalaw talaga sya ng dalaw sa isip ko. I admit, sometimes I stalk his account, but then masasaktan lang ako at the end. Ang tanga ko diba? Ako pa mismo yung gumagawa ng move para masaktan ako. Kailan kaya ako magigising?

Mahirap mag-move on! Mahirap.
I don't really think na kaya hirap ako maka-move on dahil 3 years kami. That's not it. Hindi nasusukat sa tagal isang relationship. Nasusukat 'to sa Love. Sa pagmamahal. And that's it, nandun pa yung Love. Yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya, andito parin. My love for him still exists.

And I have no idea how to let go of this stupid feeling.

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Every night all I did was to cry. And I always talk to our God in heaven,

"Papa Jesus, help me. I know po na may reason kung bakit to nangyari. And I believe na kaya mo to sakin binigay dahil malalagpasan ko to. Alam ko po na hindi agad ako makakalimot, i'm just asking for your help na makayanan ko. You are the greatest healer Papa Jesus, I'll just wait for the right time that when I wake up, my heart is healed."

Kapag may problema ako, sa Kanya talaga ako nalapit. And He never failed me. He's indeed the greatest healer of all time.

"Healing takes time" I know na eventually, malalagpasan ko rin to..

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Maraming nangyari. There has been things na di ko kinaya, like yung first time ko silang makita na magkasama.

I was with my Mama that time, we were going to a boutique then suddenly, may nakasalubong kaming hindi masyado nagustuhan ng mga mata ko.

Ang saya-saya ko nung araw na yun, cause kasama ko si Mama. We were laughing. We were so jolly. Then..

Destiny: Ma, nakita mo?

Mama: Oo anak. Oh anong nangyari sa mukha mo?

Hindi na ko sumagot. As in within seconds my face changed. From the sweet smile thingy, to the poker face. Hays.

...

Ilang beses nangyari yun. There were times na nakasalubong ko sila na ako lang mag-isa. There were times na nakita ko sila kahit sobrang layo na. Alam mo yun? Tukso. Parang nanunukso. Ayaw mo na ngang makita, pinapakita pa ng pinapakita sayo. Pero at some point siguro sinusubukan lang ako ni Papa Jesus para mas maging malakas ako.

Maraming nagsasabi na magaling daw ako magbigay ng mga advice about kahit saan. Pati na sa mga love advices. Ewan ko kung bakit. All I want is to spread positivity and happiness. Ayoko ng may nasasaktan, ayoko ng may umiiyak. Gusto ko lahat positive. Pero when it comes to myself, hindi ko siya ma-apply. Especially sa kalagayan ko ngayon.

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June. Pasukan na!

Hello College! Omg.
New school, New friends, New everything!

Magiging busy nanaman ako. Which is good, i'll have less time to reminisce the past. (hehe)

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June 16

First day of school.

Wala pa kaming uniform, I was wearing black pants, green tank top, black and gray plaid, and my 5ever favorite na chucks.