One day, she'll be okay

on our way back home

I wake up and the first thing that I notice is that my mom is already out of bed. I sit up straight in my bed and I analyse the room quick. I see my mom and Jennifer sitting at the table. JJ brought some breakfast. They both see that i am awake. "Good morning sleeping beauty, want some breakfast?'' JJ said.

I see croissants on the table and those were my favorite but I just cant eat. Not today. I failed yesterday. This was my punishment. ''No thanks, I'm not hungry yet'' I say with a smile.

For some reason my mom caught on, ''Sweetheart you have to eat something.''

''Yeah I will, just not now. I feel a bit nauseas. Just pack one for me to take to the station'' I say as I am walking towards the bathroom. The bathroom door was fine, only the locks broke when my mom stormed in here yesterday. So I close the door as I get myself freshened up.

I hear JJ talking vaguely but I don't pay much attention. ''Sweetie are you almost done? We have to leave in five minutes'' I suddenly hear from the other side of the door. My mom sounded a bit concerned. Not so strange after last night tho.

JJ packs up a croissant for me to eat at the station and then we were headed out the door. In the lobby I saw Hotch and Rossi waiting and behind us were Derek and Spencer. Hotch says, ''okay guys we are complete lets go. We are all heading to the station. The unsub was caught last night at the riverside state park by the Spokane pd. Apparently he left some DNA at the latest crime scene, more details will be given in the car.''

I was in the back of the SUV with my mom and JJ and Reid were in the front. JJ was driving. Derek, Hotch and Rossi were in the other car. The car ride was mostly silent. To break the ice and a bit irritated I say, ''So what is the plan now? I mean we caught the unsub right. Why can we not go home?''

Spencer answers me and says, ''Before he was arrested he kidnapped another woman so we have to try and find out where he keeps her.'' I sigh ''Fair enough.'' Spencer turns around to look at me and he says, ''What is going on Dana? Normally you would know the answer before asking a question like that. Haven't you  read the report of this case?''

JJ mouths something to spencer but I cannot make anything of it. My mom also gestures at Spencer. I also missed that one. Then I say a bit pissed off ''Guys use your words! I am right here.'' Then your mom speaks up, ''honey you don't have to snap at us like that. We get it, you want to go home. It is completely understandable. We are probably on our way home before it gets dark out. Okay sweetheart?'' ''yes it is fine, sorry for snapping at you all'' I say. Spencer says ''It is okay Dana, Really.''

My mom was right. The case was wrapped up before it was 4pm. We all headed to the hotel to grab our bags and Hotch says in the lobby, ''Wheels up in 30 everyone.'' In the hotel room I see the croissant that JJ had packed for me and I quickly wrap it in a tissue and throw it in the trash bin in the bathroom. I Had some juice left in the fridge from yesterday. I drank the rest of the bottle because I needed something else in my system than water. When we were all ready to go mom just gave me a hug. A random hug. She held on very tightly. i liked it. I hugged her back we just stood like that for three minutes. It was like we both needed it.

Reid said ''Shotgun'' and layed on the couch. It made everyone giggle. Dave and Aaron were sitting in the both next to each other and Me and my mom were opposed from them. I got the seat next to the window. JJ was reading in the back and Morgan was listening to the same playlist as always. My mom fell asleep in her chair and Dave was drinking the same old drink as usual. Hotch was doing some paperwork.

Rossi noticed me looking out the window while I was listening to some music. He gestured at me to take my headphone off. He said ''So Dana, are there any boys in your life?'' I swear I could hear Morgan choke on his water. Then I reply with a giggle ''No uncle Rossi, dating is not on my mind now. And how is Krystall doing?'' Hotch laughed and Rossi answers with a smile, ''She is doing great, we are doing great.'', ''Good for both of you''i say with a huge grin on my face as I put my headphones back on and I feel my eyes slowly closing.

I feel my mom waking up and she grabs a few files and she also started doing her paperwork. I have my eyes closed and my mom thinks I am asleep. I had turned the volume a bit down so I could hear what my mom and hotch were talking about.

I hear Hotch starting the conversation with, ''How is she doing?'' my mom lets out a big sigh. ''That bad?'' hotch says. ''unfortunately, yes'' I hear my mom answer.

She follows that sentence with, ''oh and Hotch, you might get a bill from the hotel but if you can just forward that to me, that would be great.'' Hotch looks up from his file and he raises an eyebrow and then says ''Emily what did you do to get a bill from the hotel?'' ''Well I might have pulled a Morgan on the bathroom door in our room''

''Why would you pull a Morgan on your bathroom door?!'' Hotch says slightly raising his voice. ''well I came back to check on my daughter and she wasn't responding so i-''

Hotch cut you off ''Did she relapse?'' he asks with real concern in his voice. ''Yes.'' Mom says while she looked down at the floor and then she put her hand on your leg to reassure that she was there. Hotch said ''don't worry about the bill, I'll handle it.'' ''Thanks Hotch.'' My mom whispers. I turn the volume a bit higher so I could get some sleep since it was a six hour flight with now only four hours left.

Now hotch knows that I relapsed. It wasn't a big secret anyway. The whole team knows about my self harming it is just that I don't like to talk about it. I am just not ready to talk about it. It has been comforting me since I was twelfe. It has become an addiction. It is not going to stop anytime soon.