Definitely A Mistake [COMPLETED]

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER NINE

JAIRO'S POV

I got home from Blaire's place at around ten-thirty PM, and I couldn't help but sigh and lose all my emotions again when I saw Ayel standing by the gate, hands on her waist, as she glared at me.

"What time do you think it is?" It was obvious that she wanted to shout at me but concerning the time, she settled for a whispered shout. I shrugged and was about to walk past her when she grabbed my arm. "I swear, Jairo, even if we're cousins, I'll hate you to death if you hurt Kristine more than you already did." Her grip tightened. "I kept asking you why you did what you did, or at least, what the hell happened, but no. You always want to keep me out." I then felt her grip loosen. "Jai, we're like a brother and a sister, not just simple cousins. Please... let me know your side."

I held her hand that was holding my arm before slowly removing it. "I... still can't, Ayel. I'm sorry." I walked towards our household and left my cousin near the gate. I still can't but thank you for taking care of her.

Kung hindi pa sapat ang sama ng tingin at pangangaral ng pinsan ko ay isa pa itong mommy ko na naka-abang sa pinto ng bahay. What is this? The Amazing Race? I wonder who waits for me at the end of the finish line. I hope it's her.

"Hey, Mom." I kissed her cheek and was about to walk past her but then I heard her speak.

"Jai..."

"I'm... I'm actually pretty tired right now, Mom." Not just pretty tired. I'm exhausted as f*ck but I shouldn't be. I chose this path. I must face this head-on.

I heard her sigh before I felt her hand on my shoulder. "I don't like seeing you like this, Jai. I want to see you smile again, and treat life like it's your playground. Ayokong ganito ka, anak."

I tried to pull off an assuring smile but failed. "I'll try my best, Mom." I then left and went to my room. Buti na lang at nasa trabaho pa si Dad, I wouldn't hear his sentiments about my situation.

Akala ko ay huli na si Mom, but then I heard a knock on my door and saw Karl. "Hey..."

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako. "Kung pati ikaw eh kakausapin ako tungkol sa sitwasyon ko, please lang, lumayas ka na," napapagod kong sabi sa kanya pagkabagsak ko ng katawan ko sa kama.

"Huh? Anong sitwasyon? May nangyari sayo?" I moved my head to face his direction. "Manghihiram lang naman sana ako ng charger. Are you currently using yours?"

My forehead creased. "Seriously?" Karl nodded. "You're not bluffing?" He nodded again.

"Come on, Kuya. Mamamatay na 'tong tab ko." He began walking around my room. "Where is it?"

Napabuga na lang ako ng hangin saka tumingala saka pumikit. "Nasa left drawer ko. Second level."

I heard shuffling sounds. "Thanks, Kuya!"

"Mmm-hmm."

I heard the door open. "But with all seriousness, if you're going through something and can't say it to anyone, well... try solving it all on your own. Kasi kapag hindi mo 'yan sinolba, ikaw lang din ang kawawa, Kuya."

I took a deep breath. "But what if—" I heard the door close, so I let out my breath. "What if she'll be the one in trouble if I try to solve it by being with her 'til my heart's desire?"

Kahit pagod na pagod ang pakiramdam ko ay pinilit kong bumangon para maglinis ng katawan. I went inside the bathroom and settled myself.

Masaya na ako na nakikita ko siyang nakangiti pero mas gusto ko sanang ako ang dahilan nun.

I badly want her to be happy and safe, but I sometimes wish that she could be with me.

I was in the middle of showering when I remembered what Ayel said inside the boutique.

"What's with you? You dare talk to Kristine after rejecting her? Huh? Playing with her feelings was a sh*tty move, cuz, but I did not talk to you about it because she did not want me to get mad at you but this? Jai—"

"You dare talk to Kristine after rejecting her? Huh?"

"I did not talk to you about it because she did not want me to get mad at you."

I opened my eyes. Droplets of water flow down my naked body. All I could hear were the sound of the shower and my heavy breathing.

She did not want Ayel to get mad at me.

I want to hope that... she still has feelings for me.

Wala akong planong umiyak ngayon dahil nandito na ako sa bahay namin. Bawal na akong makitang mahina. Hindi na pwede. But...

I couldn't help but let a lone tear escape my eye. One after another, until it became a river of tears.

She had feelings for me.

She still has feelings for me.

She really liked me too.

And I'm...

I'm such a jerk.

I still couldn't forget how she told me that falling for me was her most stupid mistake.

I finally had a chance with her. A happy ever after with her. But I really... really had to f*ck it up.

Napabuga ako ng hangin saka pinilit ang sariling tumigil sa pag-iyak. I fixed myself and finished showering. Mabilis kong tinuyo ang katawan ko saka nagbihis ng pantulog.

My body felt a bit lighter but my heart felt heavier than usual. Mas bumigat ang pakiramdam ko pagkatapos kong malamang gusto niya pa rin ako.

I mean... I'm still hoping she likes me too, even though all I'll bring her is pain.

Because I'm too weak to protect her and be with her at the same time.

I badly want to be selfish and keep her for myself but why the f*ck am I such a coward‽

I want her to know how I feel about her but nothing would change. Hindi ko pa naman kayang hindi siya saktan.

One way or another, I'll still end up hurting her. So I'll choose the path where I'll get the blame. Kahit kapalit pa noon ay mas maraming sakit kada araw.

For now... all I could do is protect her from afar...

And love her without her knowing.