Definitely A Mistake [COMPLETED]

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER EIGHT

BLAIRE'S POV

I'm currently spending time with myself before stressing myself out for tomorrow's preparation—specifically, for the foundation week. For sure everyone would be curious about what I'll do, what I'll wear, what I'll look like for the performance.

Kahit naman kasi ako ay nagulat na nag-volunteer ako to perform for the visitors on the university's anniversary. At that time, I just felt like wanting to perform and all, so my hand automatically raised. Napapailing na lang ako kada maaalala ko 'yun.

I changed the channel and felt bored as I ate the salad I prepared earlier. Napagdesisyunan ko na lang na umakyat sa kwarto ko saka pumwesto sa harap ng piano ko. I do plan to play and sing for the performance, but I haven't chosen a perfect song yet.

I even spent almost five hours searching for a song that I know will bring out the best in me, but oh well. Still no luck. Pity me.

I played some random keys on the instrument when I heard my message ringtone. I sighed and left the stool to reach for my phone which was on the table on the side of my bed.

Nakita ko ang pangalan niya kaya agad ko iyon binuksan. Hindi ko namang napigilang mapabuntong hininga nang dahil sa message niya.

I mean... There's always one reason why he comes here though. But sometimes I wish that he comes here simply because he likes to see me. Because he wants to see me. Because... because he wants to.

Bumalik na lang ako sa pwesto ko kanina sa harap ng piano ko saka walang pakealam na pumipindot na lang sa kung saan habang niloloko ang sarili that I'm not anxiously waiting for him to this late evening.

Pero kahit anong pagpipilit kong pagloloko sa sarili ko, I still ended up walking fast when I heard the doorbell rang. "Hey," I greeted him after opening the door.

Tinanguan niya lang ako. "May I come in?" Mas niluwagan ko ang pagkakabukas ng pinto. Once he was in, I closed the door. "May I use your bathroom?" I nodded and watched him walk away.

I know for sure what he'll do. He has been doing it for months, but I don't think that I'll ever get used to it.

Noong una ko siyang makita sa lagay na iyon ay hindi ko mapigilang magalit sa kanya. How dare he cry for another girl when he's with me? But as time passed, I... maybe... somehow... I don't know... got used to it. That's when I realized that he... he fell hard.

Habang nasa banyo siya ay nagsimula na akong mag-prepare ng sandwich at popcorn. I also prepared juice before going to the living room and preparing him a movie to watch. Once settled, I put the snacks on the coffee table and went to my room. Ayokong makitang muli ang mga maga niyang mata pagkalabas ng banyo.

I... I don't want to feel the same pain.

Pagkatapos niyang mag-CR ay paniguradong magpapalipas muna siya ng oras sa living room ko. I looked at the clock. It's already eight PM, did he even eat dinner?

Alam kong dapat ay lutuan ko siya ng hapunan pero alam ko rin na hindi niya naman 'yun kakainin kaya ayos na 'yung snacks. He doesn't like it more if I cook Caldereta, his favorite. Because there's only one person who's allowed to cook him that.

I sighed and laid down on my bed. A comfortable soft bed, pretty wallpapers, expensive decorations, and all, but this dream-like life is all for nothing. Lalo na kung nasasaktan ang taong mahal ko pero wala akong magawa.

Almost a year back with Jairo but all I felt was loneliness. Physically, he's mine, but his mind and heart? They're still with her. They never left her.

A lone tear left my eye. Kung ganito rin naman ang mangyayari, bakit nga ba hindi ko pa rin siya mabitawan?

Maybe because this was a deal between us. A deal we had to both hold on as we try not to hurt the ones we love. A deal that kept us from doing something we desire to do. A deal which made us look like the villains of each other's story.

Pero tao lang din ako. Nasasaktan ako, naiinis, nangangarap ng masaya at perpektong love story. But maybe this is all of the karma I am receiving because of my wrongdoings before. Maybe I'm also paying for the things I did with Chad. My Chad...

Sa dami ng aking iniisip ay hindi ko na namalayang nakatulog na pala ako. Even in my dreams, the sad reality still got to invade my fantasy. Ang natatanging mundo na lang kung saan nabubuhay ako sa paraang gusto ko ay para bang ipinamumukha sa aking hindi ako nararapat.

I woke up at around four AM. I still badly want to sleep since it is still very early but I sighed and decided to leave my room and went downstairs. Malinis na ang sala at para bang hindi pumunta roon si Jairo kagabi.

I went to the kitchen and was about to prepare my breakfast when I saw the note on the refrigerator.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for the snacks and movie.

I'm heading home after finishing them.

I'll pick you up later for school.

~ J

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I couldn't help but sadly smile. "Jai..." Napailing na lang ako habang nakangiti pa rin ng malungkot. He's always like this, making me like him still even though I'm already in pain because of him. Even though he won't really feel anything for me.

I mean... I know what I entered... what kind of mess I got myself into... what type of person couple we'll both be since I said yes to his proposal.

But... I just... couldn't help but wish that I should've said no. I probably said no. I shook my head and tried to remove that thought.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako saka ipinagpatuloy ang ginagawa kong pagluluto. I was glancing back and forth on the food and Jairo's note when suddenly a song and an idea came into my head. Hindi ko malaman kung ngingiti ako o iiyak so I settled with another sad smile.

I stared at the note that I was holding before closing my eyes.

Maybe it's about time.

Maybe we have to finally stop pretending.

And maybe... finally... I know what I'll be performing.