Hiding the Green Carnation's Heirs | ✓

30

⚠️WARNING: WET SURFACE. ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR PANTIES AFTER. MATURED CONTENT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.⚠️

NAPAHAWAK ako sa may kalakihan kong tiyan bago tumingala sa langit at napabuntong hininga. The sky is very clear and it looks peaceful. The gentle howling of the wind serving as music in my ears and the way to softly caress my skin reminds me of Lurusus' touches.

Inayos ko ang aking buhok nang malakas itong hinangin. Even my maternal dress is dancing and swaying with the wind.

Mapait akong napangiti kahit na namumuo na naman ang mga luha ko sa aking mata.

It's been six months since I lost you. How are you? Are you happy? Binabantayan mo ba kami? I hope you do and I want you to know that I miss you so much.

Hindi ko na namalayan ang sunod-sunod na pagtulo ng luha ko. Masakit pa rin. Hindi ko pa rin tanggap ang pagkawala niya sa amin. It's just difficult to accept it. Even after six months, the wound is still painful and it's not healing. Hindi ko alam kung makakaahon pa ako sa sakit na ito.

Ang tatlo naming anak alam kong nahihirapan na rin sila. Minsan kapag lalabas kami at pupunta sa parke, makikita kong tumititig sila sa isang masayang pamilya at naka-ukit sa mga mga nila ang inggit at pighati. It took them for four months just to stop crying about their father's death. Hindi ko pa alam kung paano ko sila pakakalmahin dahil araw-araw silang umiiyak.

Nahihirapan na rin si Crystel alagaan sila dahil sa nangyari. The three are too broken and I know it's still very painful for them. The time they spent together was too short and Lurusus was already taken away from us.

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang luhang dumaloy sa aking pisngi at humugot ng sunod-sunod na malalalim na hininga. I can feel my heart clenching once again and I am trying to calm down. This is not good. This is bad for the baby.

Lurusus, please help me calm down.

Pepeng hiling ko habang nakapikit. Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas noong umihip ang malakas na hangin. Tumaas ang bawat balahibo ko sa aking katawaan noong maamoy ko ang pamilyar na amoy ni Lurusus at ang pag-ihip ng mainit na hangin na para bang binabalot nito ang aking katawan.

"Don't be too sad and find your new happiness, bambolina. It will be fine."

I badly want to open my eyes but my guts are saying no. Baka kasi kapag binuksan ko ang aking mga mata, mawala siya bigla. Even though this is just an imagination of mine, I am happy. I am happy that I can hear his voice once again. That I can smell his scent. That I can somehow talk to him. That I can feel him even though he is not here. I can feel Lurusus. He is here.

"You are my happiness, Lurusus. How can I find someone new when you already have all of me?"

Kahit na nakapikit ako, tuloy-tuloy pa rin ang pag-agos ng mga luha mula sa aking mga mata pababa sa aking pisngi.

"Bambolina..."

"How can I find new happiness when my heart already died with you? How can I do that? How? It's easy for you to say that because you left me. You left us," puno ng hinanakit na sabi ko sa kaniya.

How can he say that? Hindi gano'n kadali ang sinasabi niya. Kung pwede ko lang palitan ang puso't isip ko, matagal ko ng ginawa. Moving on is not as simple as what it looks like. Madali siyang sabihin pero mahirap gawin. Hindi lang siya simpleng proseso. It's a long process of completely healing yourself and loving yourself once more.

"You are just scared and wounded right now but always remember that nothing will change even though you'll find someone better. I'll always stay in your heart for the rest of your life. I will always be there. Always."