Chapter Five.

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        It’s been two weeks and Shawn still hasn’t talked to me. I tried but after awhile I just stopped. If he doesn’t want to talk to me, so be it. He’s been skipping lunch too, I’m not sure if he’s avoiding me or avoiding Jack and I, probably both. Jack’s basically replacing Shawn in the group, Nash said that Shawn was acting like a total ass and Matt agreed. They’ve been getting super tight with Jack which makes me happy. Although, I miss Shawn like crazy. It’s Thanksgiving break and it’s poring rain outside, Shawn and I always go outside when it rains. I sigh feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness. Suddenly, I stand up and put on socks as I grab my rain boots as they slid over my leggings as my feet fill them. I run down the stairs and grab and umbrella and a rain coat. I walk out the door and open my umbrella as I walk out from the sheltering porch. I begin my walk to Shawn’s house as I start to speed up as I start to feel the cold air slipping beneath my jacket. I turn down Shawn’s street as I take a deep breath and arrive at his house. I look in the driveway and see the cars are gone but I notice Shawn’s bedroom light is on. I walk up to the porch and knock on the door as my heart begins to pound. After I hear a shuffling of feet and then silence I know that Shawn knew I was out here. Suddenly, I felt all my anger and sadness fill me at once. I banged on the door with a clenched fist.

        “Shawn Raul Peter Mendes! If you don’t open up this door I’m going to run back to my house and get the key you gave me last year!” I shout as I continue to hear silence until suddenly I hear the locks click and I watch as the door opens just so slightly as I see Shawn look out. I grow silent as Shawn opens the door fully and we stand their in silence, I suddenly regret my decision on coming here. I look into Shawn’s eyes as I could tell he didn’t want to see me. Not just embarrassment or a grudge, not because of Jack or anything that had happened. Shawn did not want me there. Suddenly, I feel the urge to cry and I couldn’t stop myself and before I know it I had streams of hot tears coming down my cheeks.

        “I don’t know what happened, I don’t know what you’re so upset with me or what’s even happening. All I know is I miss you like crazy because you’re my best friend and I’m yours and we love each other but I can’t seem figure out why you would do this to me if you really cared about me!” I yell over the thundering rain. Shawn stood their emotionless as I felt more anger towards him and I look him dead in the eye before I slap him right across the face. “Damn you!” I shout as he rolls his eyes and shoves me as I slip and fall to the cold, wet pavement. I look up at him and see him regretting his choice but I speak up before he can say anything. “Isn’t it interesting how I’ve known Jack for such a little time yet he’s treat me better than you ever have? Not to mention but that’s 14 years to a few months... Just saying.” I say with tears streaming down my face as I get up and stare in Shawn’s eyes as I kick him right in his spot as he falls over groaning. “Asshole...” I mutter as I run home.

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        “Then, he shoved me and I fell and I looked up to him and stood up and I looked him dead in the eye and commented on how it was ironic that you’ve treated me better than he ever had and I had known him 14 years and you only a few months.” I explain to Jack who was sitting with me in my lonely house. I was cuddled up in his side as we drank hot chocolate and cuddled. Suddenly, I heard a slight knock on the door. I looked up at Jack as he gave me a questioning look.

        “Maybe it’s Sierra?” He says more like a question. I shrug and get up as I walk out of the living room into the large, cold front hall. I walk to the door as I open it and see the last person I expected; Shawn. I stood there as the cold air wafted into my house making me freeze yet I didn’t seem to care. He looked at me with sad eyes as I looked at his tear stained cheeks and I knew I was going to start to cry. I hold up one finger and run back into the house to Jack.

        “Baby, baby, it’s Shawn!” I whisper yell as Jack clenches his fist and gets up as I sit him back down. “Baby, don’t” I whisper as I kiss his cheek. “I’ll be okay, I’ll shout if I need anything. Just stay here, please?” I say quietly as Jack unclenches his fists and kisses me lightly.

        “Be safe, baby girl.” He whispers as I smile and walk back to the front hall. I grab Jack’s sweatshirt and I open the door once again as Shawn looks up and I step out. I shut the door and look at Shawn.

        “What do you want, Shawn? You made it pretty clear you don’t want to see me so I don’t know why you would-” I start.

        “I have cancer, Ariana.” Shawn cut me off. At his words I forgot everything. Our fight, him shoving me, him ignoring me, everything. I feel my eyes fill up immediately. 

        “W-What?” I croak out as tears slip down my flushed cheeks. I take into notice how pale he was and how his normally cherry red lips have become a faded and cold blue. He looked like he had lost some weight and he had bags under his eyes. I start to cry more at his appearance. 

        “It’s why I’ve been so distant." He whispered. "It’s killing me, Ari.” He whispered as his voice cracked as I shove myself into his arms and hug him tightly as I sob into his chest. His thin flannel was a little torn and was now more baggy on him. His fresh scent of pine and mint that had always given me a sense of security and serenity had disappeared and faded from his clothing. He held me tightly as I sobbed into his chest. “I’m so sorry Ari-” He started off as I quickly cut him off.

        “It’s okay,” I sobbed as he rubbed my back and kissed my head. I hugged his now frail body as it really went through my head, my best friend is dying. I make a distorted cry as Shawn holds me tighter.

        “How much longer do you have?...” I ask in a whisper before trailing off and he holds me a little tighter. He stays quiet for about a minute before managing to speak.

        “Two months.” He whispers trying to hold in his sob. I made a noise mixed with a scream and a sob. It was a cry for help, right there and then I prayed to god that Shawn would pull through. How could I lose him? I knew the answer, I know I can’t but, I also knew this was inevitable, Shawn is dying in two months.

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