Dangerous. (a Jack Gilinsky and Sammy Wilkinson Fanfic

Chapter Eight.

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        It was a long room, a long, lonely, somber room. From the doors I couldn’t see him, but as I slowly walked up he came into view. I walked up and looked at this body that looked like him, but then didn’t look anything like him. His hands were shriveled and his lips didn’t look like plump cherry colored lips anymore, they looked pale and faded. I knelt down as I realized I was crying and I hadn’t noticed.

        “Oh god...” I say as tears pour from my eyes and I brush my hand through his hair. His dead, lifeless hair. I look at his pale face as a tear falls off my nose. “I still can’t believe it,” I whisper to his remains as more tears fall from my eyes. “How could you leave me like this? You said we’d be together forever, what happened? This is so hard, Shawn. I miss your laugh and your contagious smile. I miss your lazy eye and that little cheek scar.” I smile looking to the small scar on his cheek. My smile quickly fades as tears fall down my cheeks. “I have to grow up and live without you, do you know how hard that is? I miss you, I miss everything about you.” I whisper putting my hand on his cold cheek. “I love you, Shawn. I miss you more than anything.” I take a deep breath as so many tears fall from my eyes blurring my vision. “Come back?” I whisper as I break down in tears and I just stay there crying for what felt like forever. I slowly stood up and I kissed his cheek. “Goodbye, Shawn. I love you so much. I’ll see you again one day.” I whisper as I got up and walked away leaving the room and looking at the boy who made my life worth living before closing the doors and saying goodbye forever.

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        “Now, Ariana James will be making a speech.” The priest said as I slowly got up and walked to the stand as Jack squeezed my hand and I go up. I stood looking out to the hundreds of people with wet eyes and saddened hearts. I took a deep breath as I began to speak.

        “When I was 6 years old, I was climbing a tree when I had fallen and broken my ankle. That day when I got my cast on I remember thinking that it was the worst pain you could ever feel. When I was 11, I proved myself wrong when I stepped on a nail and it went straight through my foot. I concluded that was the worst pain you could ever feel. But yet again, when I was 16 I proved myself wrong after I had been cheated on by my first serious boyfriend and I knew that was the worst pain you could feel. But now, here I am. I’ve proven myself wrong yet again and I know this will be the last time.” I stop and take a deep breath as more tears spill from my eyes as I wipe them away. “The pain of Shawn,” I continue on, “The pain of Shawn is the worst thing I have ever felt and I honestly believe nothing will compare to this, nothing.” I begin to sob as my voice cracks and I see Jack get up as I shake my head. “I’m okay,” I croak up. I take another 10 seconds and I begin again. “They say it gets easier by the day, but when does that begin?” My tears continue to stream out of my eyes as I constantly wipe them and start talking again. “It’s not getting easier, if anything it’s getting harder. Every time I wake up it’s just being reminded he was taken from us. It’s not fair, it’s not fair such a beautiful human being was taken when there are such ugly ones walking around everyday putting people down. So why Shawn? I wake up 15 times every night and every time it’s just a reminder of this cruel world. It’s a reminder that the most beautiful person I have ever had the chance to meet is gone. Honestly, there’s one person who makes me feel better.” I look up at Jack and give a weak smile. “Thank you for giving me a reason to live.” I say as a tear slips down Jack’s cheek as me mouths something to me; ‘I love you.’ I smile and look down. “I will never stop missing Shawn, the pain I feel is the worst thing I’ve experienced and I just can’t get it to go away. Please god, please make this feeling go away. I’m so upset I can’t even begin to explain it, but before he left he asked me to promise him I would move on and live my life, accomplish goals and live my dreams. At the time, I said I couldn’t promise that. I now realize there is no way Shawn is coming back, the pain is excruciating but I know Shawn was right, I need to move on. I’m sorry this happened to you, Shawn.” I say as my lip trembles and I continue. “I’m going to move on and I’m going to live my life, for the both of us. I will never, ever forget you, Shawn, and I know that no one who has ever met you will.” I walk off the stand and run right into Jack’s arms as I heard the people clap. I didn’t want to look up so I kept my head hidden in Jack’s chest until we got up to drive to the cemetery. Everyone came up to me and said it was beautiful, except it wasn’t beautiful at all. It was harsh and cold, it was the truth, we all needed to hear the truth. We got into the limo and we rode to the cemetery in a sad silence. We got out as the men carried the casket out to the grave. They placed it down for 10 minutes for everyone to say a quick goodbye. Once again, I was last. I walked to the casket as I placed a single white rose. “I’ll see you again, Shawny boy.” I whisper as a single tear rolls off my cheek and lands on the casket. I don’t bother to wipe my tears away, there’s no point. I step back as we watch them lift him up and into the grave as they start to cover him with dirt. Everyone slowly started to leave but we stuck around even when the grave was filled and the Mendes’ had left. I just stood there in not only sadness but shock and loneliness. I look at Jack and he looks up, I walk over to him and we just hug each other seeking comfort. Soon, I say my last goodbyes and Jack and I walk to the car and we sit there in silence before I speak up.

        “Jack?”

        “Yes?”

        “I love you too.”