* * *
I got home and Jack had left a note saying he was at Jack J's house and that'd he be home soon. Jack's parents were away so I had the whole house to myself. I changed into Shawn's old sweats and Jack's tee shirt before climbing into bed. I cuddled myself into the white comforter and inhaled the scent of Jack. I suddenly felt extremely upset about everything. Jack, Shawn, Mrs. Mendes, Sammy, my eating disorder, the pregnancy, what Mrs. Mendes had said and other things. I just began sobbing hysterically into Jack's covers. What am I gonna do with this baby? Will Jack leave me? How am I going to handle eating so much? How about gaining weight? Does Karen honestly think I'm a waste? Am I a waste? How could I pay for the baby? Where will I live? Will I be able to finish college? I just began crying harder and harder until my head was pounding and I couldn't think straight. I could end it right here, right now. I don't have to feel this pain anymore, I could just... Die. I dug my way out of the sheets and managed to get to the bathroom where I found pills and a razor. I could slit my wrist, or swallow pills. I thought for a minute and decided to go for the pills, less painful. I quickly thought of writing a goodbye letter. I stumbled out of the bathroom and grabbed a pen and paper. I took my time, I wrote a careful, bittersweet goodbye note to everyone I loved. I put it in an envelope and left it on the counter in the bathroom. I was consistently crying as I poured the pills into my hand. I was shaking as I put them in my mouth and lifted the glass water to my mouth. I thought of Shawn, I'd see him soon. I smiled a little as I sipped the water. This is it.
authors note
hi my loves.
eating disorder hotline: 1-800-931-2237
suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
if you are struggling with any type of mental illness do not be afraid to reach out. my dm's are always open. I suffer(ed) from bulimia and anorexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, and body dysmorphic disorder. I'm always willing to help someone who is struggling.
have faith and stay strong :-)
xx ari
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Dangerous. (a Jack Gilinsky and Sammy Wilkinson Fanfic
FanfictionAriana James who's best friends with Shawn Mendes, Matthew Espinosa and Nash Grier has a great life. Then, Jack Gilinsky moves to town. Ariana and Jack quickly fall for each other but will their relationship survive lies, jealousy, distance, death a...
