I stand in the crowded kitchen, the skids are sitting and laying on the floor watching the walls and ceiling swirl, I think most of them took acid.
The drunks jump around yelling the lyrics to self-esteem by the offspring.
A group of stuck-up girls are sitting on the couch, sticks up their asses and all.
I grab a bottle of vodka and take a big swig, if I was going to get through this shitty house party booze would definitely be involved.
The constantly changing colored lights illuminate each room, I watch the people around me, taking in the chaotic mess of a party this will be for me.
"Hey baby," Brett, my boyfriend approaches from behind me.
"Hey," I spin around and face him, needless to say, he's already plastered.
He wraps his arms around my waist.
"Dance with me."
"I'm not really in the mood right now, I'm just kind of anxious." I cross my arms.
"Come on kitty,"
I cringe at the name, he always uses it to manipulate me, if I don't give him what he wants its always 'Please kitty,' 'Don't be like that kitty,' and my least favorite 'you know you want it kitty, don't lie to yourself.'
"Don't be a bitch," he says bluntly.
I remember the last time I stood up to him, my face was painted black and blue for the rest of the week.
I wince at the thought and chug the vodka in my hand, the burning sensation dragging all the way down my throat and into my stomach. I let him do what he pleases, it's easier than fighting someone who'll win anyways.
I zone out, letting the tipsy feeling take over, my limbs seem to weigh a bit more, it's like I'm carrying 5lb weights on them. Dragging the weights with each movement.
He sways my body, his hands traveling all over, he does what he wants because he knows I'm too scared to stop him.
Instead of focusing on the shit situation I somehow put myself in, I end up glancing over at Jimmy and Amanda. Jimmy's the one who threw the party.
His arms are wrapped around Amanda's waist, she kisses down his neck.
For a moment I imagine what it's like, to be her, to be treated like a princess, and to be respected. Everyone knows Amanda doesn't deserve him. Somehow she ended up with him anyways, but shes a manipulative, emotionally abusive witch. It should be me in her place.
Jimmy looks over and we lock eyes,but I'm quickly interupted by Brett.
"What were you looking at?" Brett stops dancing and wraps a hand around my wrist.
"Oh, nothing," I give him a fake smile.
"I can tell when you're lying you know." His grip on my already sore wrist tightens immensely.
"I was just looking over at the alcohol cabinet, I think I could use another drink." I lie through my teeth, praying he wouldn't catch on.
He drags me over to the kitchen and grabs another bottle.
"Here. Happy now?" He spits irritability.
I nod.
"Let's go find a room," he pulls by the wrist before I have a chance to answer. He takes down a hall and down a set of stairs and into a room in the basement. He pushes me back onto the bed.
I look at the walls surronding me, art, scribbled lyrics and grafitti covet them. I'm pretty certain it's Jimmy's room, cocaine trays and beer bottles are scattered across the floor, and a half full ashtray on the nightstand.
I stand and take a few swigs from the bottle.
Brett pushes me down so I'm sitting on the bed.
He kisses down my neck and starts unbuttoning my dress shirt.
"Hey-" I attempt to stop him.
"Shut up."
He pushes his hand up my skirt and grabs at my thighs.
I feel the pit in my stomach grow as I feed it with the dread and anxiety I'm feeling.
Tears begin to well up in my eyes when suddenly the door flies open.
"What the hell's going on? not in my room." Brett is pulled off me by Jimmy.
"Sorry," I grab the bottle that was knocked from my hands and bolt from his room.
Before Brett even realizes where I am I'm already out the front door.
I run down to the nearby bridge and slide down the dirt path leading underneath it.
I take a shaky breath in and grab the pastels from my bag, I smear the red across the bare cement pillars and start drawing swirls and random shapes.
"Hey," a voice startles me.
I spin around and am met, once again by Jimmy. He stands by the other pillar.
"I- hey.."
"What are you doing here?"
"I needed a break, from everything."
He nods, "I get that, I'm here for a break too, my girlfriend's a bit too much when she drinks."
"Tell me about it, same with Brett. Look, I'm really sorry about earlier."
"Don't mention it," he sits in the sand cross-legged and leans his back against
his pillar.
"He dragged me down there, I didn't want to do anything, but i dont really have a choice when I'm with him."
"What? Are you serious?"
I nod.
"I'm so sorry," he looks at me, shocked.
We're cut off by his phone ringing.
"Hello?" He answers.
"Yeah, no, okay, take a deep breath for me. I'll be right there babe."
He pulls me in for a quick hug.
"I have to go, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I hope everythings alright!" I hug him back.
"Tell me if he ever does anything like that again, okay?"
I nod, "thank you."
"I'll see you around," and with that, he's gone.
I just sit in the sand for a while, contemplating what I should do next, I don't want to risk being found by Brett but I have nowhere else to go other than home. I dig the vodka back out of my bag and end up drinking another quarter of the bottle before trudging up the hill and homeward bound.
