~Assorted BxB Oneshots~

Don't Let Me Love You

ITAFUSHI FLUFF/ANGST

(Minor) SPOILERS FOR THE JJK ANIME

(Please don't spoil the manga in the comments!)

REQUESTED BY - N/A
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Megumi Fushiguro

Falling in love...it's not something you ever actually expect can happen to you. It's always something you scoff at in movies, or get annoyed at when said lovey dovey couple are being overt in public. It's never something that you allow yourself to want, because it seems foreign until it actually happens.

This was particularly true for me. As you might expect, I'm not the type of guy that really cares about something as trivial as love. I wake up, I exorcise curses, I go back to sleep. Occasionally a meal in between. Life is simple that way, which leaves me no time to endure the turbulence that accompanies love. And that's all there is to it. Love has no place in my life. I save lives for a living, I don't have time to enjoy my own. And the thought of having someone worth protecting was only a further burden that I didn't want to even try to bear. It's stupid and unnatural, I know, for a guy my age to have absolutely no interest in love. I know that it's stupid, and yet I won't change. Maybe it's the isolation I live in, perhaps it's anxiety, but I don't want to fall in love.

...as you can probably guess, Yuji Itadori came as somewhat of a shock. The chaotic whirlwind that had essentially resulted in him merging with the curse Ryomen Sukuna had certainly changed my outlook on...well, love. I didn't believe all that shit about love at first sight...until I met Yuji. I mean, it wasn't exactly romantic, interrogating him about Sukuna's finger in a hospital just after his Grandfather had passed. But it was far more difficult than any other conversation I'd had with anyone else I'd ever met. And that idiot Gojo had totally seen right through me. I still remember what he'd said to me after I asked him to spare Yuji's life.

"Personal feelings?"

"Yes. Please do something about this"

There's no point lying to Gojo, it'll only end up worse for you. Of course, he hadn't shut up about it ever since that day, now months ago. And to be honest, my feelings for Yuji had only grown. After thinking I'd lost him after my fight with Sukuna, I'd cried for days. Not even Nobara could coax me out of my room, despite her efforts. She was a lot stronger than me then, and a lot angrier when Yuji returned to us. I wasn't angry...I was delighted. I wanted to just lunge at him and kiss him forever, but...yeah, that wasn't the way this story would end.

You see...Yuji is going to be executed. That is a definite fact. There's no way around it. No matter how much hard work he or I put in, it will not change. No matter how quickly we find the fingers, it will not change. No matter...how much I love him, it will not change. And that thought stops me from telling him. It might be selfish, but...I don't want to miss him more. I don't want to go through the pain of losing him again, this time when he meant so much more to me. I know it's going to be tough no matter what, but...any semblance of control I had would be enough to stop me confessing to him. Whether bottling it up will end out better or worse is the problem. Because...I'm always tempted. The problem is...I always love him. I love him when he says stupid shit, love him when he eats like a rabid dog, love him when that smile of his stops my heart.

But...I can't show him that. When he compliments me, I smack him instead of blushing. I ignore his offers to hang out, despite my mind clawing to get to him. I have resisted wiping food off his mouth at least 10 times this month, and it's so goddamn hard, I want to cry every time I get back to my room...which I had pretended to be annoyed was next to his. Sometimes I hear him talking to Sukuna, through the wall. He talks about how he hates him, how he wishes he could go back to his normal life...how he wishes he didn't have to die.