A Perfect World

Chapter 37

AELIN POV

"I guess I can stop blaming the Gods now," Aelin muttered.

She felt Rowan shift beside her. Taking a quick peek to her left, she saw that he was laying on his side fully facing her. She quickly looked away, her face heating. She was laying beside him. On his bed. In his room.

Just laying.
Unfortunately.

Dorian had re-opened a portal for them to come back to Rowan's private quarters. Post-party, most of the Fae would be wandering around so he figured this would be the most discreet place to open up a magic hole in the ground.

As soon as she set foot in the room Rowan had practically barked at her to lay down after lecturing her about the signs of being near burn-out, which she was. She was still exhausted from her fiery scene with Asterin so she hadn't bothered to object. It wasn't like she needed to be told twice to get into the man's bed. She was more than happy to oblige.

"What were you blaming them for?" He asked.

"For withholding answers. For this mess I'm in. For everything."

"You still can. It's not the best situation."

She shot an annoyed glance at him. "That's putting it lightly."

His lip twitched, eventually forming into a rare half grin. She should have looked away. She really should. That smile was doing weird things to her stomach.

"I've found myself thanking them recently," he said.

"For?" She asked, suddenly nervous.

He didn't reply. Instead, he rolled back onto his back and stared straight up at the ceiling.

"Do you blame yourself for all of this?" He asked.

It was her turn to keep quiet now. The truth was she did. How could she not? Maybe she was being self-absorbed but she seemed to be a big factor in all of this conflict.

"Even if you never left Terrasen, it would change nothing. You didn't start this conflict and you didn't choose to have a role in it. You can choose to have no role at all if you'd like."

"Isn't that what I'm doing right now? Everyone thinks I'm dead."

"And you could keep it like that. You could run away."

She scoffed at that. "You honestly think I'd do that? Lives are on the line. The lives of people I care about. My Kingdom is on the line. I care about that. Just because I wanted a little taste of freedom, doesn't mean I want to give any of that up, or shrink away from my responsibilities. I want—" But she stopped herself. It was a truth she'd been trying to avoid.

"Say it."

"It sounds bad when I say it out loud."

"Say it anyway."

"I want power."

"Why?"

"I'm done with people dictating my life choices. And I won't let someone else decide what part I'm going to play in this conflict."

He reached over to grip her jaw and bring her face close to his own.

"Do you want to know what I think?" He whispered.

"What do you think?"

"I don't think you feel powerless at all. I think you know exactly how powerful you are, but you're scared to wield your power." He released her face and leaned back against the pillows. His eyes held a challenge in them, as if daring her to prove him wrong. She felt equal parts seen and unnerved.