Lost in the Darkness // Billie Eilish

Part V

It felt nice to be taken care of and attended to. People usually want and expect things from me, it's never the other way around.

Even if it was something as simple as a little maintenance for my hair, it really did make me feel brand new. And although the green from my hair had almost completely faded out, I looked ten times better then before.

This experience, despite how small, made me rethink the way I treat myself. It's cliche but our bodies really are temples and trashing it results in nothing good.

As of now, I'm sitting at the kitchen table, snacking on a granola bar, while her dog (whose name I've learned is Nicholas) lays by my feet.

From my position, I watch as Emma tends to her plants and her mini garden on the balcony. She's in a t shirt and a pair of running shorts, her hair is down, but is admittedly in her way. Every couple minutes or so, she curls a few strands behind her ear as she works.

I'm aware I've said it plenty of times, but her life's so put together it amazes me. Not just her life, her as a person as well. She's so articulate and sophisticated and charming. It's crazy attractive and it's making me lose my mind.

This is a little surprising coming from me because all of my past flings (I wouldn't dare to call them relationships) consisted of people who were just... just horrible. To put it simply, they were all over the place.

Suddenly, the sliding glass door opens, interrupting my thoughts.

She begins to remove her gardening gloves but doesn't look at me once as she stores them away, "I wish you'd stop staring at me like that."

"Like what?" I laugh breathily.

"Like a lost puppy."

Shrugging, I reply, "I can't help it. Why, does it bother you?"

"No, it distracts me." She dusts her hands off and goes to the sink to properly wash them.

"Maybe that's the point."

My focus is redirected when her dog gets up and scurries away. He picks up a tennis ball from his toy basket with his teeth and brings it my way. Opening my hand, he drops it in my palm.

I give it a carefully toss across the apartment, "fetch!"

He doesn't move. Instead, he looks at me like he's still waiting for a signal.

"Come on boy! Fetch!" I scratch his coat and point to the ball.

Emma laughs to herself, drying her hands as she watches the interaction.

"What so funny?"

"He doesn't know any English."

I look back at the dog and its awaiting, slightly puzzled expression on his face.

"Oh."

Emma grabs another ball from the basket and demonstrates, "jdi si pro to, Mikuláši!"

Nicholas immediately springs to action and retrieves the ball, dropping it back in her hand.

She leans down and coos as she pets him, "hodný kluk,"

The abrupt sound of my phone ringing grabs both of our attention.

When my eyes glance over the name of the caller ID, I try to think of every possible excuse in the book to not answer. By the last ring, I've already convinced myself not taking the call would do more harm then good, so I answer.

I put the phone to the ear and am instantly met with yelling.

Just as I'm sure he's about to stop, he keeps going. I know Emma can hear, which makes me excuse myself and exit her apartment.

I close the door behind me and slide down the wall of her apartment building's hallway, knees to my chest. At one point, the yelling just becomes white noise so I toss my phone on the floor and mindlessly pick at my nails until he's calmed down.

"You done pissing your pants?"

He ignores the question and groans. "For the love of God Billie, please don't tell me you really ran off with that interviewer."

"So what if I stayed the night? How's that different from staying in a hotel room?"

"It's unprofessional."

"We didn't do anything. I wanted a place to sleep and she actually treats me like a human being, what's the problem?"

"Billie, you don't understand. Just-" I can imagine he's pinching the bride of his nose and huffing and puffing. "Just get yourself to sound check at two in one piece, kay?"

"Yep." I reply dryly and end the call there.

I sit there for another minute or two not particularly doing or thinking anything before standing up, dusting my hands off and going back inside.

"Duty calls," I announce in a half-joking manner as I enter her apartments again.

She looks at me silently, tracing the expression on my face and watching as I start to put my shoes on.

"Are you okay?"

"Yep." I repeated. "Wish I could stay here for the rest of the day, but y'know."

"Are you going to get dressed?" Is her follow up question.

"My entire wardrobe is packed into suitcases on my tour bus. I'll change when I get there. Either way, my pajamas isn't all that different from what I wear on a regular basis, they won't care. What about you?"

"Pardon?"

"Come with me. You'll make it a little more bearable." I look up at her and smile as I finish tie my left shoe, awaiting a reply.

She grins and starts to stand up, "I believe you need me there, so I'll come."

I scoff, "Cocky much?"

"Not cocky, I simply just tell the truth."