Lost in the Darkness // Billie Eilish

Part XIV

I watch from the couch as Emma calls Nicholas over and searches for his leash.

I check the time and it's a little past midnight.

She grabs a coat and her keys, quickly glancing back at me. "You're coming right?"

"Oh, um, this late?"

She shrugs, "when he has to go, he has to go."

Her statement is followed by an impatient bark from the dog at her side, tail wagging excitedly.

I adore night time, but I hate the dark. Yet, not nearly as much as I hate being alone, so with reluctance, I agree to come.

When we leave her apartment building, naturally, she reaches for my hand while her other grips the leash.

The more we walk, the tighter I hold her hand and the more I stay glued to her side.

When she notices, she stops and turns to me, concern written all over her face. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm uh, afraid of the dark. Remember?" I scratch the back of my neck again.

"Oh. Right. Do you want to head back?"

I shake my head, a lie easily slipping out of my mouth, "no, no. I'm fine."

The next few minutes of walking is silently, only the light patter of Nicolas' paws and our shoes scraping the pavement could be heard.

The city was beautiful and dimly lit, but that did nothing to aid my fears.

Eventually, we neared a small hilly area where Nicholas found the perfect tree to piss on and we got a break.

Emma let out a short sigh and took a seat on the grassy plain, then patted the spot beside her. I took the hint and sat next to her.

Already sensing what she wanted to say, I opened my mouth and beat her to it, "ask away."

"Do you know why you are afraid of the dark?"

I lean back on my hands and shrug. "It's terrifying. And lonely. It probably has to do with my fear of the unknown. Anything could be out there, y'know. Kinda like how I'm scared of ocean. The fact that only 5% of it has been discovered is horrifying. Doesn't that alarm you? Like, at all?"

"I suppose. I haven't given it much thought." She replies calmly.

"Much thought? It's all I think about. Ever since I could remember. I've had issues with the dark and sleep all my life. It's exhausting, dude."

"Yeah, I've noticed. You had a few night terrors when you first started sleeping at my apartment. Not anymore, though."

I chuckle lowly and shake my head, more so at myself than at anything else, "I told you I don't do well sleeping alone."

She cracks a weak smile.

"You um, you..."

"I've got a lot of problems, I know." I only half-joke.

Her smile fades as she stares back at my empathetically. "I wish I could help you. I have this urge to solve all of your problems because I hate seeing you so miserable."

"You don't have to. I've learned to live with who I am as best as I can. I've gotten used to it."

"I know, I know..." she pauses and looks away, admiring the view in front of us for a moment. "But I want to. Do you mind when I try to help?"

"Honestly, no. I like it. I can tell you genuinely care, so I don't mind at all. I just want you to know, you don't have to."

"That's good to hear. Now, let's go home so I can help you." She stands up, dusts her hands off and reaches out to pull me to my feet.

"What're you gonna do?" I say with uncertainty.

She smiles warmly, puts a finger to my lips and tells me not to worry. And then she kisses me, easing all of my fears.

When we walk through the front door of her apartment, she sets her things down and removes her coat. I do the same.

Nicholas circles his doggy bed and prepares to go to sleep.

Emma says goodnight to him, turns off the living room light and drags me into her bedroom. Once we're inside, she doesn't turn on the light switch. Instead, she takes my hand and leads me to the bed.

She tells me to sit in the middle and although I can't see her, I can hear her sitting as well.

"Hold both of my hands." She speaks quietly, soft and dainty.

"Do you trust me?"

I nod but quickly realize she can't see me. "Of course."

"You can't see me, but you know I'm here, yes?"

"Yeah."

It doesn't take me long to catch on to what she's attempting to do— comfort me. Help me understand the dark isn't something to fear.

I try my hardest to not panic when I can't seem to make out the outline of her figure. No matter how hard I stare, I can't see a thing.

"Listen to me. Relax, okay?"

I swallow dryly.

I want to able to see her so badly.

"I'm not going anywhere."

I inhale slowly and stop trying to fight what I cannot see, instead, I let the darkness engulf me. I let it embrace me.

Suddenly, I can feel her presence come closer to me and pair of lips lock with my own.

When I calm down and let my eyes close, she presses a hand on my chest, guiding me down on the bed.

She curls my hair around me ear and eases her tongue into my mouth.

It's completely pitch black, but I feel safe.

Gently, she bites down on my bottom lip as she pulls away and moves to my neck. Sucking and nipping, but not nearly enough to leave bruises.

I lose track of time and can't remember how long it's been when she finally stops her movements.

The last thing she does, is cup my cheek and lean down to place a kiss on the tip of my nose. A smile evident in her voice as she says her next words—

"The dark isn't so scary, is it?"