Lost in the Darkness // Billie Eilish

Part XII

Even hours after Emma and I had our conversation, I can't stop thinking about it.

It's something I wish I would've heard earlier in life and if I'm being honest, it probably would've saved me from wasting my time with a great deal of people.

It was an important, essential conversation that I think needed to happen. Creating boundaries and communicating expectations with someone is the key to a healthy relationship. Whether that relationship is romantic or platonic, it's crucial either way.

That's what makes Emma different from the rest. I've never had a partner give me so much emotional freedom. I've always had this underlying feeling that they're trying to control me. When in reality, I probably should've been the one making the calls.

On top of that, Emma truly cares about me. She wants me to be an individual and see me grow. Since the beginning, all she wanted was to see me happy.

The following morning after our post-sex talk, I took Emma with me to small get-together with my management, the main topic at hand was just to discuss what the future of tour would look like.

She met my brother and a few team members I don't nearly despise as much as the others. Some higher-ups recognized her from my interview and gave cold stares, others shrugged it off.

I openly held her hand, not caring to much what anyone might've presumed about us, when they tried to pry and ask who she was, I purposely gave them an answer they weren't searching for.

A man I only recall talking to twice since being signed, cleared his throats and subtly tried to nudge me when Emma wasn't by my side, "So, Billie, who is she to you? What's going on with you two?"

"That's Emma, she works for DVTV. Super talented, incredibly smart." And then I walked away.

I didn't owe any of them an answer. In fact, I didn't even owe my brother an answer. But Finneas knows how to use his context clues and figured out whatever we have going on, on his own.

He doesn't overstep or ask unnecessary questions. That's why he's my favorite brother.

We had a bit of downtime between my meeting and an interview Emma had coming up, so we decided to go to a another park.

My team was thoroughly surprised I agreed to come in the first place.

Still hand in hand, we found the nearest bench and I took a seat on it.

"I have a feeling the entirety of Interscope hates me." She laughs dryly.

I roll my eyes and pull her to sit in my lap, "No they don't. They're just not used to seeing me with anybody or bring them around."

"That can't be true. Everyone knows about your past flings. Your family, your team, the internet."

"Not the female ones..."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing really, it's just that I tend to keep my relations with women a little more private. Well, a lot more. There's fans out there that don't even know I'm gay because of how reserved I am with the women in my life."

"Why's that?"

I shrug, mumbling, "I dunno. I guess I just value my relationships with women more than I do with men. They're more intimate and serious. My relations with guys are usually short-lived and noncommittal; I'm okay with the public seeing that. Until now, I've never really given it any conscious thought, it just sorta happens."

She doesn't respond verbally and it makes me nervous.

"What? What'd I say?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just need to ask you a few follow-up questions later, if you don't mind of course."

"Putting that psychology degree to use, huh?"

"Always."

I chuckle quietly and lean into her, forehead pressed against her shoulder, arms wrapped loosely around her torso.

"I like you a lot, y'know." I admit quietly. "I just wanna, like, be in you. Hugging isn't close enough."

Emma smiles and kisses the top of my head, ignoring my odd confession because I'm sure she understands what I mean.

Drowning in this moment, I dig my phone of my pocket and take a picture of us.

I look hopelessly infatuated with her, per usual, and she looks at me adoringly, that notorious gentle smile still playing on her lips.

I take a second to review it once more before adding text and posting it on my snap story.

"prague isn't so bad. maybe I should learn czech. teach me? @emmasmetana"

Her username is purposely cut off by the borders of the screen. I'd rather the entire world harass me, than her.