Lost in the Darkness // Billie Eilish

Part XVI

It was the next morning, the previous night had been awfully quiet.

The tear in my heart when Brandon first broke the news had yet to be bandaged or even tended to in any manner.

It hurt.

It's not like I thought I'd stay in Prague forever. I think it's something I consciously ignored and avoided discussing.

I've always glorified living in the moment rather than looking forward to the next. But that isn't always the case. Planning and being mentally prepared for what's ahead of you is crucial sometimes. But when whatever the future holds isn't necessarily something you desire, it's easy to get lost in the present.

Adults and other celebrities that are yearning to one day say, "I was Billie Eilish's mentor" always tell me everything doesn't last forever. They beg me not to let time go over my head and get too adjusted to my life now.

The thing is, I don't want to think of a scenario in which my life isn't the way it is right now. I don't wanna think about being thirty. And I know someday this is going to bite me in the ass and I might regret it. I wish I could tell them I cared a little more than I do, but I don't.

This situation is a prime example of that. I got too attached and didn't think about leaving. The only difference is, I actually care this time. I'm miserable.

Emma can sense it in my demeanor and see it clear as day on my face.

She's turned on her side now, staring at me. Observing my doe-like eyes and the natural frown plastered on my lips. She places a hand on the side of my face, cups it, and leans closer to kiss me.

"Aren't you upset?" I ask.

She gives me a weak smile, "I wish you understood how badly I want to cry right now."

"But?"

"...but I knew this day was coming. I was extremely aware of it actually. That doesn't make it hurt any less though."

"I'm sorry," I shake my head and turn to lay on my back, eyes glued to the plain ceiling. "I should've never barged into your life and made myself comfortable just to end up leaving a few weeks later." A wave of nothing but pure guilt washes over me.

"I don't regret the time we spent together. Not a moment of it. Do you?"

"Absolutely not."

And that was the truth.

For the rest of the morning and afternoon, we don't do much. I help her nourish her plants, we order takeout, and go on a walk with Nicholas, before I end up accidentally falling asleep on the couch with my head laying in her lap .

Pretending what's happening, isn't really happening. I guess I've learned nothing.

"Billie,"

Emma gently wakes me up.

"Hm?" My eyes are still closed.

"Your phone's ringing."

"Yeah, I know." I raise the blanket that's draping over my body up a little more and get more comfortable.

"It's Danny."

"Yep..."

"Your concert-"

"They want me to be unreasonably early. I'll be there on time. I'll be up in thirty. Or forty-five. We'll see." I mumble.

She giggles at my reluctance, absentmindedly smoothing my hair down. "You are a pain in the ass, you know that."

"Not the first time I've heard that, baby. 'Night."