Lost in the Darkness // Billie Eilish

Part VIII

Somehow, someway, Emma managed to force me out of the constraints I've put myself in for so long.

As the sun began to set, she dragged me out of her car into a decently populated park, her journal in her other hand.

I quickly threw my hood over my head and tried my best to hide behind her shadow.

After dragging me by my reins, she found a park bench and we both took a seat.

Emma huffed and removed my hood from my head. "Relax, please."

I sunk into the chair, eyes cautiously darting from person to person, watching to see if they recognize me.

"It's all in your head. If you make it blatantly obvious that you're paranoid, people are going to stare. Act normal."

"I don't know what normal is."

"You are impossible, Eilish." She smiles widely before beginning to reposition herself and cross her legs.

She takes a deep breath and acts casually, taking in the scenery amongst us.

"See? You try."

I do as told because I can't seem to think for myself when I'm around her.

No matter how hard I try, I can't shake the feeling that everyone's taking a second glance at me and are only moments away from asking for an autograph. That may be due to my huge ego but there's no denying it stems from a place of truth.

She can sense my frustration and gives me another task, not knowing what else to tell me. "Just- just relax, okay?" Emma scoots closer and allows me to lay my head on her shoulder. She intertwines our fingers and lays our combined hands in her lap.

"Better?"

My cheeks are beet red and I don't want to give her the opportunity to look at me right now, so I simply nod.

"Question."

"I'm listening,"

"Why do you care about me so much?"

Her eyebrows quirks as she laughs gently. "That's an odd question, don't you think?"

"I'm being serious. I kinda just walked into your life and you accepted it. You've been trying to fix me ever since."

"When I first met you, you came to me broken. I could see it in your eyes. I'm not trying to fix you, I'm trying to patch what's been damaged. I notice you tend to refer to 'the darkness' as your past. I believe you're still in it."

"I'm better now."

"Maybe. But by how much?"

I stay silent, realizing I can't giver her an adequate answer.

"I still don't understand why you care? You meet celebrities all the time and chances are, they're just as fucked as me."

"I'm not sure. I didn't like seeing you in such a state. Perhaps I was just as drawn to you, as you were to me." Her lips tug up into a smile and she looks away after her confession.

"You knew?"

"You stayed in the studio for another hour once the interview ended. You seemed panicky when I was about to leave."

"I guess I didn't make my desperation very subtle, did I?"

"No you did not. It was cute though, there's no denying that."

I smile shyly and peer down at our hands.

She chuckles gently, "your hands are a bit sweaty,"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." I let go of hers and move my own into my lap.

"Why?"

"You know why." I mumble.

A quiet voice that belonged to a small girl, thankfully interrupts us. "Billie?"

I drop the nervous, slightly embarrassing persona and replace it with a more confident one.

"That's me," I flash a smile. "How you doing?"

"I'm really great now that I met you," she beams, but quickly apologizes. "I'm sorry my English is not that well."

"No, no, don't worry about it. You're fantastic." I stand up and pull her in for a tight hug.

She clings onto me for a moment, and if I'm not mistaken, she begins to cry.

She starts to mumble into my chest amidst the tears, but I can't understand because it's in Czech.

Whatever it is, I'm assuming it's something good because Emma is smiling at the interaction.

Eventually, she pulls away and wipes her tears.

"Hey, are you good?" I hold her face in my hands and she just nods.

"I just- I just love you so much." She sniffles.

"I love you too, C'mere," I give her one final hug and she thanks me before leaving.

I sit back down and turn to Emma, who has yet to  wipe the smile off her face.

"What'd she say?"

"She said you saved her life... That you're her inspiration, and she idolizes you more than anyone on Earth."

"Really?"

"Does this surprise you?"

"It never gets old to hear, y'know. It takes me aback every time."

"It's nicer than I thought. Getting noticed, I mean."

I lean back on the bench and lay both of my arms across the top, shaking my head. "This time was different. No phones or cameras in my face, no pictures, no autographs. It was real. A person to person interaction. It isn't usually like that."

"That sounds suffocating."

"It sounds suffocating because it is." I say plainly as I glance at her untouched journal.

"What's in that?" I gesture loosely to it.

"Notes, questions, a few poems."

"You write poems?"

"A few."

I let out an amused snort, "of course you do. Can I see?"

With a little hesitation, she hands it to me and I begin aimlessly flipping through the beginning.

"What's this first part?"

"Notes about the people I've interviewed, things I've noticed."

I meet her eyes, a knowing look in my own.

"Page 36." Is all she says, smiling.

𝐵𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑒 𝐸𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑠ℎ
- 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑡
- 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑒𝑥ℎ𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑
- 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑎𝑖𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦
- 𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔
- 𝑣𝑎𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑠, 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑠
- 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦
- 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡 = 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡
- 𝑢𝑛𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒
- 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑛𝑔

"Whoa. It's weird looking at yourself from someone else's point of view. Do you still think this stuff?"

"Mostly, yes. I don't think you're as exhausted anymore though. Your time in Prague has done you good."

"I wish I could stay a little longer," I admit quietly, closing the journal.

"Me too."