Lost in the Darkness // Billie Eilish

Part XVII

Today is my last day in the Czech Republic. Therefore, it is also my last day with Emma.

A part of me wants to get on my knees and beg her to come on tour with me, the better half knows Emma's far too smart to agree to something like that.

It isn't realistic. And one of the reasons I adore her so much is that she's levelheaded and mature. She can't leave her whole life behind and hop on tour with some 'pop' star. As much as I hate to admit it, that isn't practical.

Instead, I try to soak in the last moments we have together, at least for a while.

In the few hours I have left to spare before I have to head to the airport, I spend it trying to memorize her face. Staring at it closely, I study her eyelashes and her nose and I kiss her lips. I bring her body closer to mine, taking in the way we feel against each other. I listen carefully to the way she moans and take into account what makes her eyebrows knit together, her mouth fall ajar. I need to remember these things for the future.

Naked with our legs intertwined, Emma grinds against me slowly. Her head is bowed, eyes shut tight out of pure pleasure, her hair falling down and blocking the view of her face. The palms of her hands are pressed firmly on my abdomen for support, scraping the skin with her fingernails every so often when a sudden wave of bliss bestows upon her.

Just admiring the way she moves and how much she's enjoying herself seemed to turn me with every passing second.

Emma gently drew her hips back then forward again, our clits grazing against each other with each movement.

I relaxed even more and let my head fall back blissfully. Without much forethought, my hands found her waist, guiding her movements. I groaned longingly as she picked up her pace and began to rock her hips.

Slick with arousal, our labias met again and again, eventually sending the both of us into heart-racing orgasms.

We came together, moaning in sync and breathing heavily afterward. I pulled her down to my level, chest to chest as we rode it out.

I ran my hands up the spine of her toned back, basking in the moment and enjoying the kisses she peppered on the column of my neck.

Carefully, I rolled her over on her back and started to get up, telling her "hold on,"

Emma sat up on her forearms and watched me walk away. "Leaving me already?" She smiled.

Ignoring the small pang in my heart at her response, I replied, "Wouldn't dream of it. I'll be back,"

Keeping my promise, I entered the room with a goofy grin and raised what was in my hands to show her. "Turns out, Prague's sex shops are so much nicer than America's." I joked, earning a laugh from her.

Once the strap was adjusted and fit securely around my hips, I crawled onto the bed again. My eyes couldn't help but linger downward and in between her spread legs.

Not being able to contain myself, I push her thighs and dip my head down. She lets out a little gasp when she feels me drag my tongue up her folds a few times. I hum at the taste and use whatever the self-control I have left to pull away and refocus.

I sit up straighter on my knees and lick my lips, lining the dildo up. Slowly, I push it inside, staring at her face for any signs of discomfort. When she's ready, I hover over her, holding myself with my hands planted on either side of her face, and began to stroke.

"How's that?" I ask lowly. Her response is only a series of moans.

She grabs at my hips, wanting me closer and deeper. I do as she says.

Truthfully, I hated feeling disconnected from her during sex. I needed to be barely centimeters away from her, touching her, holding her; something, anything of that nature. Otherwise, I'd feel deprived. And that's simply because I know how amazing it can be. Why would I choose to be distant when being close feels so good?

That's also why I can't stand doggy-style. It's cheap. Admittedly, these kinds of thoughts hadn't crossed my mind until I met Emma. Before her, sex was just... sex.

After another long moan escaped her lips, she leaned up to kiss me, both of her hands holding the sides of my face passionately.

As she kisses me, I'm overwhelmed with feelings of want and desire. I never want to be stripped of this feeling. It was indescribable.

One of Emma's hands moved to cup and fondle my breasts, unable to get enough of them. However, it was clear one hand was also not enough to satisfy her craving. Fortunately for me, the other hand was preoccupied; its thumb in my mouth.

I watched in real-time as her eyes glazed over with lust just from seeing me suck. Shortly after, she switched over to her middle and forefinger, letting me coat it generously with saliva.

Those fingers removed themselves and started to rub her clit in circles instead.

My eyes bore directly in hers, in complete awe. I refused to break eye contact and she seemed to feel the same way.

"I'm gonna cum." She spoke abruptly and breathily, her fingers picking up pace.

Just when I sensed she was at the very edge, I eased the dildo out of her and quickly replaced it with two of my fingers, fucking her rapidly.

She moaned my name rather loudly, over and over again, both of her hands gripping my forearm for mercy.

I watched her fall apart before me, because of me. Taking in every detail. I noticed I had been doing that a lot lately. Observing and storing memories I knew I would miss.

In the last few seconds of her orgasm, I pushed the dildo back in and leaned down, chest to chest, tucking my head in the crook of her neck. She let out a final, lengthy groan and immediately wrapped her arms around my exposed back.

I grinder against her slowly, helping her ride it out once again until I was sure she was done.

Suddenly, I felt her hold onto me a bit tighter and I lost it. Eyes closed, tears ran down my face, one by one. They dripped onto her pillow and her shoulder. I felt hot and my throat felt dry and sore as I tried to swallow. I knew I was only moments away from breaking down and sobbing. But I held it in. Poorly.

The second she heard my voice crack and noticed the tears falling onto her shoulder, she held my face in my hands and gently pushed me back to take a good look at me.

"Billie..."

I swallowed the lump in my throat again and sat up on my knees, wiping away my tears with my forearm. I chuckled dryly, more so at myself. "Jesus, this is so embarrassing."

She quickly corrected me, validating my feelings. "You're emotional that's okay. I know this isn't easy."

Emma sat up with me, brought me closer, and kissed my forehead. "I'm not going anywhere." She put her hand on the left side of my chest and placed mine on top of hers. "I'm right here."