Lost in the Darkness // Billie Eilish

Part XI

The sunlight peeking through the blinds of the guest room and the sounds of birds chirping woke me up this morning.

White, fluffy comforters carpeted my naked body, keeping me warm. I sat up, yawned and rubbed my eyes.

Still a little sore, I got out of bed slowly, opened my suitcase on the ground and fished out a pair of boxer briefs and a t-shirt.

I took a deep breath before exiting the bedroom, immediately locking eyes with Emma the second I stepped out.

"Morning," I spoke.

"It's noon." She chuckled softly and took a sip of her coffee.

I checked the clock hanging on the wall and scratched the back of my neck, "oh."

"How'd you sleep?" She asked, pushing a plate of food on the table in my direction.

"Fuckin' amazing. You knocked me out," I laughed breathily and slightly awkwardly, not sure on how to approach a conversation like this.

"And you?" I asked back, taking a seat at the table, beginning to dig in.

"Best night of sleep I've had in a while." She admitted, eyeing my shirt for a moment.

"Really?"

"Mmm-hm." She rose her mug and took another drink of her coffee, still staring at my shirt.

"I thought you've seen enough of my tits?" I joke.

"No, no, it's not that. I just think your shirts on backwards."

I looked down, screwed my eyebrows together then peaked inside my shirt. Sure enough, the tag was in the front.

"You fucked up my shit and now I can't even think straight," I grumbled, starting to remove my shirt.

"Hey, hey. Please have some decency. Mikuláš has seen plenty of women walk in and out of my apartment, but none of them naked." She playfully leans down and covered the dog's eyes as I changed.

"My fault," I quickly rotated the shirt so it was facing the right way. Seconds later, what she had just said clicked. "Wait, wait. How much is plenty?"

"A good handful." She smirked with a shrug.

"Okay, but like, how many? You got an estimate."

"Ah, I wish. I lost count months ago."

"Lost count?!"

"Yes. What's so shocking, Billie? Didn't I tell you, you weren't my first rodeo?"

"I mean, yeah. Okay, sure you've made some girls squirt before but I didn't know it was the entire female population of Prague,"

"That's dramatic." Her nose crinkles as she laughs again. "I'm sure you've gotten around too, no? You're Billie Eilish. I bet you've colonized a few countries by now."

"Not as much as you think, sheesh. It's complicated, NDA's are involved and I can't just fuck anyone."

"You could." She briefly eyes me up and down.

"Yeah, but no."

"Well, okay, does that mean I have to sign one?"

"An NDA?"

She nods.

"Do you feel like you need to?"

"No."

"Then I don't want you to. You're not just anybody to me."

She smiles cockily, awaiting for me to elaborate. "What am I, Billie?"

"I don't- I don't know. I don't know what we are."

"Does putting a label on us stress you out?"

I shrug. "Honestly, yeah a little."

"Then don't. We both know we like each other and if defining our relationship puts a strain on you, let's leave it at that."

Her words lifted a weight off of my chest.

"You like me? I have yet to hear you say that out loud until now."

She attempts to hide her smile as she gets up and puts her plate in the sink, "I thought last night made this fact fairly evident."

"Sex doesn't always equal feelings though."

"You're right. But in this case it does."

"That's good to hear, but I still wanna know what changed. Why are you letting me close and why'd you chose to have sex with me when you were so reluctant at first. What happened to me being immature?"

She sighs and pushes herself up to sit at the countertop, looking back at me. "You live a mature life, we both know that. But that does not inherently make you mature. The same argument could be made about me. In relationships in which there's several years between two people, the older person tends to try to change the younger. They try to make them grow up too quickly so they're on their level. That's where those relationships often go wrong. I'm not going to force you to mature so you can be with me. That's manipulative and wrong. You have to do that yourself. I'm not going to interfere and progress the process. You deserve to be your age, not mine."

"So are you saying, whatever we have going on could work as long as you don't manipulate me?" I half-joke.

"Something like that."

"You promise not to manipulate me?" I raise a challenging eyebrow, which makes her laugh.

"I promise. And if you feel like I am, tell me. It's never my intention. I want you to be unapologetically yourself. With our without me."

"Good. I've had enough of that in my life."