my butterfly // heewon

Chapter 29

His head wasn't clear. It was occupied with so much things that only brought him pain. He didn't know how to stop it and it made him helpless. He was feeling alone and miserable, Jungwon's voicemail from last night still replaying in his head. How can he end everything? He feels like there is no escape from it.

Suddenly there was a knock on his door. At first he thought his mind was playing tricks on him. But after few seconds there was another one. And it was so quiet that he almost missed it. He was weirded out about it because his mother would usually say something — call out for him or ask him if he's okay.

"Can I come in?" It was an old woman's voice and he almost didn't recognize it. It has been so long since he heard her voice.

His breathing was heavy. He didn't want to face her because he was ashamed but at the same time neither did he want to tell her 'no'. He just kept quiet.

"I'll take that as a yes." She said entering his room after moments of silence.

And there she was, standing in front of him. Jungwon's grandma. Heeseung stared at her while he was sitting on his bed. Her face said it all. She seemed so exhausted and anyone could see that her smile was forced. She had eyebags under her eyes probably because of how much sleep she lost while watching over Jungwon all this time. And it made Heeseung feel so bad knowing he should have been the one watching over him. He then finally realized how he didn't just hurt himself by being stubborn, he hurt everyone around him.

He watched her slowly approaching him and when she did, she sat down next to him on the edge of the bed. "How are you?" She asked, her smile now dropping.

Heeseung kept quiet and it's because he didn't know what to say. He himself didn't know how he was. Was he happy, relieved, sad, guilty? He didn't know the answer.

When she realized he wasn't gonna say anything, she let out a short and quiet laugh. "Why did I even ask. How can you be fine when all of this happened." After she said  that she put a hand on his leg.

"I'm really sorry." He got the courge to speak up. He lowered his head and looked at the ground, too ashamed to look her in the eyes.

"Oh, honey." She sighed before continuing. "You don't have to apologize. I understand you and I understand what you went through. So does Jungwon." Heeseung's head rose up at the mention of his name.

"How is he? Is he okay?" He asked not knowing where it all came from.

"Well, we can say that he's doing quite well." She stopped for a second before she started talking again. "You know, when I got the news about the events that took place that night, I felt something I've never felt before. My heart shattered knowing I couldn't stop it because I was in a different part of the country. I was praying on the way home that it wasn't anything serious but when I found out he fell into a coma I just– I felt like my whole world fell apart. I couldn't sleep, I–" She then broke down in tears. Her quiet sobs were barely heard.

But Heeseung couldn't bare watching it and not doing anything. He embraced her in his arms. Apologizing in his head over and over again. Tears almost slipped from his eyes but he suppressed them. "I'm truly sorry. It all happened because of me." He said not knowing how to comfort her other than apologizing.

She broke the hug, wiped her tears and looked up at him as she grabbed his hands in her own. She smiled before any words slipped between her lips. "Jungwon is the only person I have right now and it breaks my heart when I see him laying on a hospital bed. He didn't smile ever since he woke up. And I miss it." One tear rolled down her cheek before she continued. "You are the only one that can put a smile on his beautiful face. He needs you right now, my dear. You don't even know in how much pain he is. All he wishes is to see you."