my butterfly // heewon

Chapter 1

Don’t think of anything
Don’t say anything, not even a word
Just give me a smile

I still can’t believe it
All of this seems like a dream
Don’t try to disappear

Is it true Is it true
You You
You’re so beautiful, that I’m scared

Untrue Untrue
You You You

Will you stay by my side
Will you promise me
If I let go of your hand, you’ll fly away and break
I’m scared scared scared of that

...

The melody and words were echoing in the blue sky, full of white clouds and sun which was brightly shining.

Sunlight was hitting the boy's face as he continued singing the melody. His eyes were closed, enjoying the warm sun rays. He was sitting on the edge of the rooftop as his legs were swinging back and forth. He leaned back, enjoying the warm and refreshing breeze hitting his face and hair.

He was alone, no one could bother him. He felt very peaceful and relaxed and it was very quiet, only his voice was heard.

***

He leaned on the wall, listening to the beautiful melody being sang by a beautiful boy. His eyes were closed and he hugged his legs, enjoying the boy's voice. His voice was shooting — like an angel's voice.

The tall boy didn't even notice a small smile was forming on his soft lips.

He felt a small tear rolling down his cheek. He forgot all his worries just by listening to that melody, he finally felt relaxed.

He shot his eyes open when the other boy stopped singing. He saw him hugging his knees and hiding his face as he heard soft sobs. His heart broke a little. He wanted to go up to him, to ask him if he was okay, to hug him, to comfort him, but he didn't.

He probably wants to be alone and let it all out. He wouldn't even open up to me, we are just strangers...

The brown haired boy was just sitting and leaning on the wall, listening all soft sobs the smaller boy let out.

"Why can't I just disappear? It's fucking hard to live when nobody cares about you and how you are feeling inside..."

The boy was talking to himself, but the brown haired boy also heard it. He started punching himself on the chest and letting out not so loud screams.

The boy who was leaning on the wall could hear pain in his voice but he didn't have strength to approach him. He just stood up and left, he couldn't bare hearing the smaller's screams and sobs.

Next time, I promise I will approach you and comfort you... now I'm not mentally strong for that, I'm sorry...

Taller boy thought as he left the rooftop, screams and sobs were slowly fading away.

***

Screams and sobs stopped, tears stopped rolling down his cheeks and now the rooftop was quiet.

He was now standing on the edge of the rooftop. He was just staring blankly at the view of busy streets, cars always driving on the road, without stopping. People busy on their phones, walking their dogs, eating ice cream, laughing and having fun which he didn't have.

As much as he hated to say it, he was envious of those people who rarely have worries and who have someone by their side. He wanted to live that happy life and he thought the only way to have it is to end his own. As much as he wanted to do it, he couldn't. He still had a tiny bit of hope that his life will change and that encourged him.

After a long time of thinking he finally stepped away from the edge and broke down for the second time. His legs gave up and he fell on the floor, feeling weak and pathetic.

"You are so pathetic, Yang Jungwon. You can't even end your life, that's how weak you are." He said trying his best to get up from the floor.

When he finally got up he grabbed his bag, put it on his back, put mask on his face and put hoodie over his black hair. He was now fully covered.

He went to stairs and started going down, getting out of building. When he got out of  the building, he started making his way to the bus stop.

He sat on the bus stop and took his phone and earphones out of his bag. Softly, he put the earphones in his ears and played music. He leaned his head on the wall and enjoyed the melody.

Bus finally came and he sat at the last row next to the window. He was blankly staring at streets as the bus was moving. The drive was going fine because he was sitting alone and no one was bothering him.

He didn't need company, he was perfectly fine by himself, or so he thought...

The bus stopped at his stop and he went out. He lived a little more far away from it so he started walking. Now, it was already night.

The boy reached his house and twisted the knob. As he twisted it and entered the house, he was greeted by his grandma.

"Jungwon-ah! Where were you? Dinner already cooled down." His grandma said with worry in her voice.

"I was just hanging out with my friends. And, don't worry about dinner, I'm not hungry." The boy lied and tried to act like he was really fine.

"But you barely ate today! I will–" He cut off his grandma.

"Don't worry grandma, I ate with my friends. Go rest now and I will go wash myself and sleep because in few day schools starts." Jungwon replied to her with a little chuckle and she just nodded and kissed her grandson's cheek.

His grandma was very nice and kind and very protective of Jungwon. She loved him the most out of all her grandchildren and she also said to Jungwon that he can tell her anything and she would help him. But Jungwon didn't tell her anything, he would always pretend like he was fine and he would always lie to her. She was very old and sensitive and that's why Jungwon kept his worries to himself.

He went upstairs and went to the shower. The water was dripping down his body, but not just water, there was also blood. The wounds on his wrists opened up and blood started dripping. The cuts were still fresh and it hurted a lot but Jungwon didn't care, he just endured it.

When he finally finished, he dressed himself up and dried his hair with a towel. He also wrapped his wrists with bandages and put on a hoodie so he can cover it. He then went to his bed and just stared at the celling, feeling nothing... just emptiness..

It was always like that — just emptiness. He was slowly getting tired so he hugged his pillow and fell asleep and thought how he is going to live another day like this.

***

The other boy was also feeling nothing, just emptiness. He couldn't sleep because his parents were again fighting, like every other day.

His parents were rarely home. They worked a lot and didn't even care about their own son.

His dad besides doing his job and work was also doing his colleagues in the office. That was pissing off the boy's mom and they always fought, whenever they were home. They would always move from different cities because of his dad's and mom's work.

Before they came to Korea, they were in America. It was hard for him, but he had to listen his parents.

Screaming and fighting stopped and he could hear footsteps getting closer to his room so he turned to the other side and pretended like he was sleeping.

His mom came to his room.

"Are you sleeping, Heeseung honey?" Mom's voice echoed in the room.
When she saw that he was sleeping she turned again to the door.

"Sleep well..." She softly said with a low husky voice.

Now that she left, Heeseung turned to face the ceiling and for the first time it was finally quiet. He couldn't fall asleep.

He then remembered that melody and voice from the rooftop. He started recalling all the memories of that voice and that made him sleepy so he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

🦋