And Baby Makes...?

Chapter 59

Samantha had couple of tests run on Monday and they seemed to come back normal. The doctors still didn't want to medicate Samantha for epilepsy because she wasn't having frequent seizures. They were going to do a 24 hour EEG and we had to keep her up overnight. Jenna took Rosie home and I had to stay up with Samantha.

Every time Sam started falling asleep, I had to prod her awake.

We watched movies, played video games, watched TV and talked. We looked up things to do in London that she would be interested in seeing.

At 2 am I was having a hard time staying awake. One of the nurses offered to get me some coffee. Samantha was texting with Brendon at the time.

At 4 am, Samantha looked at me and opened her mouth as if to say something, but fell back on her pillow and started seizing. I started a timer and tried to move her onto her side. She threw up while seizing and I was glad I'd gotten her on her side.

Nurses rushed in during her seizure. As soon as she stopped seizing, I checked my timer.

"One minute, 17 seconds," I said, looking at Samantha, whose eyes were closed. Her breathing was normal, though.

The nurses helped me clean her up, and then two of them got her changed while I waited outside her curtain.

Once they were done, I went back to sit with her. They asked me to try to wake yet up again. I told them she often sleeps for a couple of hours after a seizure and it was unlikely I'd be able to wake her up.

They kept the EEG leads on her head to make sure she wasn't having seizures that didn't manifest as physical seizures.

I looked at Samantha's sleeping face and I sobbed. She'd been through so much in her short life. And now she was going through so much again.

But, I thought, she never complained. I couldn't remember one time she complained about being diabetic, or having to do physio after her accident. Or even about the seizures she'd had.

I held her hand, unable to sleep because of the seizure.

I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes, Samantha was looking at me with her blue eyes shining.

"Hey baby," I said, sitting up.

"Morning Dad. You snore," she smiled.

"I absolutely do not snore," I said.

"Sure. Okay. I guess it was just your engine revving," her eyes twinkled.

"How're you feeling?" I asked, sitting closer to her and taking her hand again.

She shrugged.

"Did I have a seizure last night?" She asked.

"Yeah," I said. "You did, baby."

She looked sadly at me.

"Was it long?" She asked.

"No. Just over a minute. But you threw up, so the nurses got you nicely cleaned up and we let you sleep."

"Oh. Are they going to make me take more medications?"

"I don't know yet," I admitted. "We'll see what the doctor has to say."

Samantha started crying quietly.

"Hey," I said, rubbing her arm. "What's all this?"

"Why is this happening?  Why did all this happen to me?"

"Oh sweetheart," I said. "I don't know. I've always believed that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. So I think God has some big plans for you."

Samantha looked at me and looked away, ashamed.

"What's that look for?"

"Dad?" She said in a small voice. "Can you promise not to get mad at me?"

"Sure baby. Nothing you could do or say could make me mad."

"I- I don't believe in god," she said.

"That's okay, my girl.  I do. And I would never force you to believe in something you don't," I said.

"You're really not mad?"

"Of course not. Why would I be?"

"I dunno. I guess because you do, and I still go to church with you and Mom. But I don't believe the stories."

"That's okay. Do believe in being a good person?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Do you believe in helping people when you can?"

"Obviously," Sam smiled.

"Do you think murder is a good idea?"

"Dad!" She laughed. I smiled.

"Um... do you think..." I thought.  "Do you think that hurting people on purpose is a good idea?"

"No."

"Okay. So, you don't believe in God, but you believe all the things that make you a good person. And that's all we ask, Mom and I. That you're a good person with a good heart who tried to help people as much as possible. And you do that. So if you don't believe the stories in the bible, that's okay. You've been respectful coming to church with us. But if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to come."

"I like helping out in the daycare with the little kids on Sundays though." Sam said.

"See?  You're a good person. And I know people at church love having your help."

Sam smiled. I think it had been weighing on her a little that she didn't share our religious beliefs. But that was okay with us.  She had a good heart and is a good person. That's what was important to Jenna and I when raising our kids.