With or without you

Chapter 18

Since she didn't pick a place to go eat Gray took it upon himself to pick, and he wanted wings. I was okay with it. Especially because I wasn't really hungry. Riley had driven in her own car and Gray and I were in his, so we met at the wing place. She wasn't really talking much. Neither one of us blamed her though. I could only imagine what was going through her mind. She's always so hard on herself, even when it's not her fault. In her mind everything is her fault, in her mind she takes all the blame.

After we had ordered and sat down Gray announced that he needed to go to the bathroom, so he stood up and started walking away. I didn't say anything at first. Mostly because I didn't know how she was feeling. That's the thing about Riley, she was always so confusing. She didn't normally let her feelings get the best of her, but when she did, it was so hard to read her. Even more so it was hard to know how I should respond. Sometimes she would just get quiet, other times she felt like she was just fuming with rage. Right now, I couldn't tell how she would react. I decided to ask her even though I knew the answer.

"Are you okay?" She wouldn't look at me. Only at the table.

"I fucked up." I took a breath.

"It wasn't all on you."

"I missed the shot."

"No, it was blocked. And that's not your fault."

"I hesitated. I should have just taken it." At this I didn't know what to say. I don't know why she hesitated, but there's no telling whether or not she would have made it if she hadn't.

"It's just one game. And it's not all on you. At least you scored one. No one else did even that." At this she looked at me with sad eyes.

"No one on your team was even helping you. You had like three good steals, and no one helped you after. Everyone did shitty, and if they had made their shots then you wouldn't have been put in that situation."

"Yeah. I guess so." She was still looking at the table. I gently placed my hand on her chin and made her look at me.

"It's not your fault." She nodded. I could tell by the look on her ace that she wanted to cry, but she wouldn't let herself in front of all these people.

"Okay."

"Tess..." She trailed off.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." Before I could say anything Gray was already walking back to the table at the same time that the waitress was bringing us our wings. Riley and I had ordered 10 wings for us to share. She can't eat right after games. It usually takes an hour or two before she's hungry, and when she starts getting hungry we have about five minutes until she's starving.

"I came back just in time." He laughed. We all sat and ate in silence for a while. That was until Gray looked at us and said

"Are you going to finish your fries?" I rolled my eyes and slid him the plate of fries. Riley still wasn't eating much. We still had four wings left and that's because I ate four. I ate one more and then slid the rest to Gray. I always liked eating with him because when I order too much food he finishes it for me. Once Gray had finished eating the rest of our food, we all started to get up to leave. Gray was walking out the door already when I felt her pull on the sleeve of my jacket.

"What's up?"

"Can I take you home?" I looked back ahead at Gray, he wasn't paying attention.

"Yeah. Let me just tell him." She just nodded.

"Gray, I'm going to drive with her." He gave me a stupid grin then said

"Okay. Have fun."

I got into Riley's car and then waited for her to get in so she could turn the car on. I watched as she pushed the button and the engine came on. She then pulled out her phone to put on some music. Once she'd gotten it on she put her phone down. I couldn't hear what was playing because it was so low but I pretended like I could. We sat in silence with a heavy tension weighing over us. I couldn't tell if the tension was good or bad. Like I said. I can't read her. I was still lost in thought when she turned to me and looked straight into my eyes. With her fingers she pushed my hair back behind my ear. Her fingers lingered on my skin.

"Are you going to kiss me?" I whispered.

"Can I?" I nodded my head. She didn't kiss me right away though. I could see her thinking, debating, playing out every scenario in her head. She slowly traced her fingers along my cheek. Instead of kissing me, she leaned in and put her forehead on mine. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until she breathed out. I felt her fingers touch my hand, and then trace them up my arm. I felt goosebumps take over my body. Her fingers slowly traced their way back up to cheek, then over my ear, and behind my neck. I didn't expect it, but she pulled back and looked at the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry Tess. I should take you home." Barely breathing and in shock I said

"Okay." She put her seat belt on and then put the car in reverse to leave. I did the same and put my seat belt on, then stared at the floor. I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. The blood was flowing through me at an alarming rate. My whole body felt warm. I felt Riley's hand reach over and grab mine. Her thumb rubbed my hand and the small gesture sent goose bumps up my arm.

The drive was short and it was excruciating. When she parked in front of my house there were no cars outside so that meant no one was home. Not that I expected them to be. My parents like to go out to dinner on weekends, and Lauren was probably off with some of her friends. Once the car was parked Riley looked at me. I couldn't help myself anymore. I placed my hand on her cheek and pulled her into me. She didn't fight me at all. She leaned into me and when our lips met it felt like I could finally breathe again. Our mouths moved softly at first, but then I felt her take off her seatbelt and come up onto her seat so that she was pushing me back into my seat. I placed both my hand in her hair, and around her neck and pulled her into me. I felt her tongue lick my bottom lip and that drove me crazy. I pulled back from her for a second.

"Come inside." I breathed out. She thought about it for a second.

"Okay."