With or without you

Chapter 55

Lying in bed with Riley felt so familiar and new and right all at the same time. We were in bed doing absolutely nothing and it felt so perfect. I looked down at her as she traced circles on my skin. The feeling of her touch gave me goose bumps. I reached over and laced her fingers with mine. I swear I could feel her smiling.

"I love you." She breathed out in a whisper. Those three words made everything worth it. All the bullshit that's happened the last few weeks, months, all of the stupid drama, all the heartache, all the times I felt like I couldn't go on, it was all worth it to be here. To be here with her in my arms, telling me she loves me. I felt my mouth curve upwards.

"I love you too Riley." I felt her hand squeeze mine just a little bit harder. I smiled again to myself then reached down and kissed her forehead. Her response was to turn her chin up and to pull me into her for a kiss. I felt her smiling against my lips and before I knew it her forehead was on mine and we were laying there, staring at each other. For a moment everything was perfect, then my brain snapped back into reality, pulling me away from this perfect bubble of kisses, sheets and skin.

"Riley." She had already seen the change in me, probably before I even felt it.

"What's wrong Tess?"

"What happens tomorrow at school?" She kept her eyes locked in with mine and thought about my question for a second. I couldn't read her face, I couldn't tell what she was thinking, and that in itself made me nervous. I stared for a second longer, and when her lips broke into a smile I felt my heart start pumping again.

"You've asked me that a couple times in the last few hours."

"I'm worried Riley."

"Why?"

"Are we going back to the way it was before? I'm okay with that, but I need to know how to act around you. If I'm still you're secret." Her eyes fell and I felt something in me shift in a way I didn't quite care for.

"Tess," My heart sunk into my stomach.

"Tess," Her hand went to my cheek.

"I just got you back. I've lived with you in my life, and I've lived without you in my life, for a while, because of everything that was going on, I thought that I would never be happy with or without you," my chest started to constrict.

"But I know now," she took a deep breath, fighting back tears

"I know now that you are my heart." A tear fell down her cheek.

"Without you, all it does is pump blood. Without you, I don't think I know how to feel anything at all. You are the one person who makes me feel alive. The one person who sees me, who I don't have to pretend around. You Tess, you are the thing I've always been missing." I pulled her into me and held on. This is all I've ever wanted.

                                                                     -----------------------------------

I woke up the next morning with her on my mind, only this time, it wasn't accompanied by the despair of knowing she wasn't mine, because now, now she was. I threw the sheets off my bed and jumped up to get my phone that was charging on my nightstand. I already had a text from her. It read, good morning, getting us breakfast so don't let Gray buy you anything". When I read Gray's name I realized that I hadn't talked to him since yesterday when I was getting out of the car. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. It only rang twice.

"Tessa!" he screamed into the phone.

"Morning Gray."

"What the hell happened yesterday. I started thinking she killed you and was hiding your body in the woods or something."

"Yet you didn't call or text." I fired back.

"Well I didn't wanna bug you in case it had gone the other direction."

"What's the other direction."

"Down south." I heard him laugh into the phone and that made me understand his innuendo.

"Shut up Gray. I'll be ready in fifteen minutes. Pick me up."

"Yeah yeah. I want all the girl on girl details." I hung up the phone and laughed at Gray's stupidity. I set the phone down on my nightstand again and walked into the bathroom. I looked at myself, I look different when she's mine. Here's the thing about Riley. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know that from the looks of it everything seems like it was a shit show but it wasn't. Before I met Riley, all I had was Gray, and while I loved him, it wasn't enough. I'd talked to other girls before but they never really mattered.

Being with Riley wasn't just new and exciting, don't get me wrong, it was but it was more than that. When we first got together we were inseparable, and not just because we were getting to know each other but because the things we were able to talk about were things we'd never told anyone before, and we didn't feel like we were oversharing, everything with Riley was easy and comfortable. Riley is what I've always wanted. I know that might sound pathetic or sad but it's true. I've never been one to let myself want things, Lauren was the one who always who wanted things, people, and she was the one who got everything she wanted. Riley was the one thing I never knew I wanted.

Twenty minutes later and I'm waiting outside my house for Gray to pick me up. As I'm waiting I feel the cold wind start to blow, and with it comes the smallest bit of water. I looked down at my feet and tried to get the memories to dissipate.

"I can't do this Tess." I couldn't look at her. I didn't understand. I still don't, not completely.

"Get in the car loser, its cold outside." Gray yelled at me. I looked up and saw Gray sitting in his car, one hand on the steering wheel the other waving at me to hurry up. I walked to the car and got in.

"So?" He gave me a stupid grin.

"What?"

"Give me all the details." I looked up at the roof of the car, then relayed the whole story to Gray. I didn't give him all the specifics of what happened with Riley and I, but he got the gist of it.

"So you're back together now?" He asked as we pulled into the parking lot, I looked down at my shoes.

"Yeah, we are." I blushed.

"Hmmm." Gray moaned. I looked up from my feet.

"What?"

"I still don't like her."

"I know."

"Just be nice okay?" He gave me an irritated look but it broke within seconds.

"Fine."

"Speak of the devil." I looked up and watched her car drive right by and park in a spot a few spaces down from us. I gave Gray a smile then grabbed my things to get off the car. I walked the short distance to her car and waited for her to get off. I felt Gray walk up a second after I did. As she got down she held out a bag of food, but started walking towards Gray.

"Peace offering." She said as she handed Gray the bag. He dug through it until found what he was looking for. I turned back to face her and was completely caught off guard when I felt her wrap her arms around me.

"Good morning." She smiled as she separated her body from mine.

"Morning." It was all I could think to say.

"Fine but I'm still mad about you punching me." I heard Gray mumble as he started eating whatever it is she had gotten him. She looked past me and smiled a bit.

"You ready?" Slightly confused I nodded my head. She then grabbed my hand and started leading me in to the school. She's holding my hand.