Taming The Sly Alexandria Gabrielle

CHAPTER 51

DIARY

March 15, 2001

Dear Diary,

I'm the happiest because today, I found out that I'm pregnant with my first child.

Agad akong huminto sa pagbabasa at kumurap-kurap bago ko muling tiningnan at binasa ang petsa at unang pangungusap ng talata, ngunit ganoon parin ang aking nabasa. What the fuck? First child? Hindi kaya nagkamali si mommy sa kanyang isinulat? Hindi ba dapat second child? I was born November 02, 2001, and this entry was dated nine months before I was born!

Alexander got to his knees as his tears fell in happiness when I told him about the baby, and even without a ring he proposed to me, and of course I said YES! I can't ask for more because as days passed, all the uncertainty in my heart slowly vanished like smoke. I've truly felt how much he cared and love me for the past days that we're together. And from this day on, I will forget all my doubts and fears and give all my love to him as we enter new chapter of our lives with our first baby.

I turned the pages frantically, almost desperate to find the missing pieces of the puzzle that's bugging my mind. Mom's next entries for the following months were all about her pregnancy, how she felt and how excited they are about the baby. At sa mga entry na iyon, consistent ang moving ng date!

Muli akong huminto sa isang pahina pagkatapos kong laktawan ang ibang entry ng mga nakaraang buwan.

September 9, 2001

Dear Diary,

I don't know what to feel. I'm devastated by the truth that slapped me. My bubble of happiness suddenly burst and it did a great toll on me. Even my baby inside my womb shared my grief and sadness and let me know about it. I bled and was rushed in the hospital but I thank God that nothing happened to her. The doctor reassured me that I was just stressed out and I just need a lot of rest.

But no, knowing that the baby inside me is not Alexander's first child had a great impact to me. My doubts and feasr has come back. But what will I do? I don't have the heart to drive a cute six-year old boy that looks exactly like my husband away....

Halos hindi ko na mabasa ang mga sumusod na nakasulat dahil sa sobrang panginginig ng aking mga kamay, dumagundong sa kaba ang aking dibdib sabay ng panlalabo ng aking paningin dahil sa mga luhang sunod-sunod na nagpatakan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko sa mga sandaling ito.

A six year old boy... Kuya Andrius... No...

I sobbed like a loss child as realization hit me like a lightning that pierced my heart and split it in pieces. Kuya Andrius and I almost have a seven years gap! At ang mga entry ni mommy sa mga petsa, hindi lang siya basta nagkamali. Damn it! It's a big mistake na pinakialaman ko pa ang diary niya, hindi sana ako makakaramdam ng ganito kung hinayaan ko na lang itong nakatago!

Ang hirap tanggapin at isiksik sa utak na ang kinalakhan at namulatan kung nag-iisang kapatid ay magkaiba kami ng inang pinagmulan. Ang kuya Andrius ko na kakampi at karamay ko sa lahat ng pagkakataon. Ang kuya ko na inaasahan kong mamamalagi sa aking tabi anumang mangyari. Ang isa sa mga iilang mga taong kaya akong tanggapin ano man ang aking pag-uugali.

Pero paano na ngayong hindi pala kami buong magkapatid? Baka iwan din niya ako gaya ng iba at hanapin ang totoo niyang pamilya...

Ngayon ko lubusang naintindihan kung bakit sa akin lahat iniwan ni mommy ang kanyang mga assets, bank accounts and massive trust fund. Noong una, ang akala ko ay parehas lang kami ni kuya ng mga natanggap, at kailan ko lang nalaman na ako lang pala ang binigyan niya sa aming dalawa ng ganoong kalaking kayamanan. At ang lahat ng ito ay alam ng lahat sa pamilya.