Wishes

Working through

"Do you want a coffee?" Chris shouts through from the kitchen.
"Please" he comes through a few minutes later with two mugs, he hands me one and sits down next to me.
"I can't believe your actually here"
I smile and nod "what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm happy to be back. It's just......last time I was here....."
"Oh god! Lauren I'm so sorry. I didn't even think"
"It's okay, I just wasn't expecting to feel like this I guess"
"Feel like what?"
"Erm.....feeling weirded out. I don't know. I can just picture you and her and I hate it"
He grabs my mug and puts it on the table.
"Lauren, nothing happened I swear to you."
"I know that, I forgave you along time ago, I just didn't realise how much it still lingered I guess until I walked in here"
"Just say the word and I'll move okay. I don't want to loose you again"
I laugh and place my hand on his cheek. "Your not going to lose me and I'm not asking you to move. We have a lot to talk through chris and work out. But I'm in this okay. I love you"
He smiles "I love you too. And I'm here for the working it out and talking okay. Whatever you need"
I smile at him and move closer towards him. I pull his lips to mine and kiss with so much passion. We pull away so we both can take a breathe. "God I missed that"
"Me too"
We cuddled up and just talked for hours, about everything. It was so nice to just catch up and feel good. We knew we had to have a long talk about us and our relationship but for now I felt content in his arms.

A few hours have passed and we are starting to get hungry so we have ordered food. I go and take a shower and get changed into some of Chris's clothes. So I can be comfy. When I walk back to the living room, chris has set up all the food for us on the floor on a blanket.
"I thought we could have an indoor picnic, of some sorts"
"I love it. Thank you"
I sit down and we eat. I'm so hungry and it's nice to be eating junk food. The wellness centre is all about health which means no junk food what so ever. Chris asks me what it was like there and I explained the best way I could. I explained what my daily routine was and how we would have our group meetings and just get everything out.
"I talked about Ashley a lot. It was nice you know. To be able to talk about her and not feel any guilt"
"I'm so glad you were able to do this for yourself"
"Thank you for supporting me to do this"
"Always"
"Chris we need to talk about us and where we stand"
"I know"
We sit and talk, we talk about everything, everything that happened. How we feel and felt about everything. What made us angry and sad and upset. We just get everything out. We talk for around 3 hours and by the end of it, we are both crying and both worn out.
"How do you feel?"
"I feel better you?"
"Yeah so much better"
"Lauren, I love you and I promise I will never hurt you again"
"I know chris and I love you too. But I want to take this slow okay. I'm still working on me and figuring stuff out but I want to be with you as well. So slow is the best option for now"
"Okay. Can I ask are you staying here or going back to England?"
"I'm going to talk to my hospital and see if they can arrange a transfer here to Boston"
"Really?"
"Yeah is that okay?"
"Of course it is. What are you going to be about your house?"
"I'm going to sell it and find one here. I thought maybe your friend Tara could help me"
"Or you could move in here?"
"No chris. I mean it I want to take things with us slowly okay. I need my own place."
"Okay. It was worth a shot. I'll call Tara tomorrow and give her your number okay"
"Thank you"
"Anytime"
"Well I don't know about you but I'm shattered so why don't we head to bed"
"Please"
"Do you want to sleep in the spare room or my room?"
"I think it will be okay to cuddle in your bed for tonight"
"I'm so glad you said that"
I giggle and we walk to Chris's bedroom. We get comfy in bed and I cuddle up to him. I really did feel good being in his arms again and I really did believe this was the right thing to do. Moving away from England. Away from my mum and making a fresh start is just what I needed. And me and chris I think we would be okay. We have talked over everything and we are both on the same page which is the main thing.
I know Ashley would be happy with my decision and I know she would be proud of me for getting the help I needed. And that's all that matters to me. That I'm making my sister proud.