Wishes

My decision

I can feel myself melting into the kiss, I love this man so much but I need to stop. I reluctantly pull away and get off of his lap.
"Chris we can't"
"Why? I love you and you love me"
"Yes I do love you okay. But I'm not okay. I don't feel like me and I need help."
"Let me help you"
"No chris. I'm going to go to a health and wellness retreat. For a few months and just work on me. I need to work through my grief and my anger and deal with it instead of thinking about drinking my self stupid. I need to focus on me."
"I can't say that I won't miss you but if this is what you need then I'll support you anyway I can okay"
He gets up and walks over to me "can I hug you?"
I nod and fall into his arms. I need to do this. I need to fix what's broken and I can't do that by myself.
I got a number for a retreat in Boston. I ring them up and book myself in.
"I have to be there in 2 hours"
"Okay, well we can go to my house and then I'll drive you okay?"
"Okay"
We head back to Chris's and I pack the necessities. I head on down to the kitchen where chris is stood staring out the window. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his torso.
"All packed?"
"Yeah. Chris I'm sorry"
"Don't apologise. I'm the idiot I shouldn't have done what I did and I'm just so...."
I cut him off by kissing me, a slow but passionate kiss.
"I know your sorry and I kind of understand why you did what you did. I forgive you"
"You do?"
He wraps his arms around me "yes I do. Chris, I love you. But I have to do this for me"
"I know. I love you too. Come on let's get you there"
We drive the facility and chris parks up, I ring and let them know I'm here. Chris walks me to the gate. He is holding my hand so tightly.
"Lauren, I'm going to miss you"
"I'm going to miss you too."
He puts his hands on my cheeks and looks me in the eye "just get better okay, work through everything and then you come back to me okay"
"Okay"
"Promise?"
"I promise. Kiss me"
He pulls my lips to his and kisses me with so much love. I pull away and head on in. I'm going to miss him but I need to do this for me.
I meet Sarah at the door, she is one of the staff here who help. She shows me my room and lets me know there is a group meeting in an hour. I get my room set up and head out to find the meeting.
I sit down in a circle with a bunch of strangers, all of us looking at one another wondering what our issues are. Sarah introduces me and I stand up and tell them all about me and what I'm going through. I tell them about my mum and my sister and about chris. It feels good to get everything off my chest.
We spend hours just talking and I'm feeling okay.
This is what I need right now.

6 months later

Today is my last day here. I can't believe it's been 6 months already. I'm feeling so much better. I've worked through a lot here and although I still have a lot to figure out I'm doing okay. Me and chris have been writing letters to each other, every month. It's been nice, we have been updating each other on everything that's been going on. He doesn't know I'm leaving today I wanted to surprise him. He is currently in Boston filming a new TV series so I thought I would go surprise him on set. I've asked Lisa to come and pick me up and she has of course agreed. I say my goodbyes to everyone and I make my way outside. Lisa comes rushing over and engulfs me in a huge hug.
"Oh sweetie we have missed you"
"I've missed you too"
"Come on let's get you to that son of mine. He has been driving us nuts talking about you"
I laugh and we get in the car, she drives to the set and speaks with the security. They know who she is and let her in. We park up and we walk to set. I can see chris doing a scene so I stay out of sight. When the director shouts cut, he makes his way over to grab some coffee, I use that as my opportunity to scare him. I run up behind him and jump on his back
"Boo!!"
He turns around quickly and is shocked to see me
"Lauren! What are you doing here?"
"I was released today"
He picks me up and spins me around, im giggling so much. He puts me back down and pulls me into a panty dropping kiss.
"Wow!"
He laughs "I've missed you so much. Why didn't you tell me you were getting out today I would have come and picked you up"
"I wanted to surprise you"
"So who bought you here?"
I looked over at his mum standing to the side and a huge smile on her face. She walks over to us and chris gives her a big hug "thank you mum"
"Anytime sweetie. Im going to leave you two to it okay. Come for dinner soon okay"
She hugs me again "Lisa thank you"
"Anytime"
"No I mean, thank you for being so nice to me. I didn't really No what it was like to have a mum but you have definitely showed me"
"Oh honey" she pulls me into another hug "im always there for you okay. I love you"
"Love you too"
Lisa says her goodbyes and I turn my attention back to chris. He hadn't stopped smiling.
"I can't believe you here"
"Well I am"
"I have one more scene to do then im done for the day okay. Why don't you go and wait in the trailer and I'll be there as soon as possible"
"Okay" I go to walk away but he pulls me back and kisses me again. I smile and make my way over to the trailer he pointed out.
I go in and freshen up, I sit on his bed and mindlessly scroll through my phone. Catching up on any gossip. Im not sure how long im there but I hear the door open and chris is stood there staring at me. I look up and smile "hey handsome"
"Hey beautiful"
He comes over and lies on the bed with me, wrapping his arms around me.
"How are you?"
"Im good. Really"
"Im glad, I've missed you"
"I've missed you too"
"Shall we head home"
"Please"
He helps me up and we head back to his house, it felt good to be back. As I walked in I couldn't help but feel a bit weird. The last time I was here he had just been kissing another woman.
We have a lot to talk through. I just hope we are going to be okay.