The Moment I Knew ✔️ (Jenlisa Fanfiction)

xi (final)

Classes came back. We're back here in New Zealand. We're still together and she didn't talk about how's her vacation. The moment she saw me, she just kissed me hungrily and I gave myself to her again. With her touch, I still feel like I'm in cloud nine. But I can't feel her anymore. This is not the Jennie I love.

Almost a month pass by, we rarely have a nice talk every time we cuddle like we used to. It's either we stay silent or she'd pass out, tired with sex. Yes. It's not love making anymore, it's just plain sex. I tried to gather my courage to ask her. But the fear of losing her took over every ounce of courage I have. So I just let it be.

Now, I am still here at her apartment. Naked again as we just finished a session. At this point, I almost thought I'm not her girlfriend, just her whore. She was taking a shower at the bathroom when her phone rings. I was just going to see who's the caller to let her know who's calling her when I saw the name on her screen. My world stopped. I can't feel my body anymore. Then I realized, I was silently sobbing.

How sweet that endearment is. I bitterly thought.

Chaghee ❤️ is calling...

The name so familiar because I heard it from her friends on the day I first saw her on the bleachers, the name of the person she used to cry and curse in front of me. The name which is the reason she's studying here in New Zealand and the name I am scared about of her going back to Korea. The name I tried so hard to make her forgive and move on. The name I swore, she won't say with pain anymore....

Oh, I guess I succeeded. She won't say this name with pain nor curse. She has now forgiven this name too. I succeeded huh. And what has it cost me? I chuckled without humor.

I know I said I knew. But it still feels different when it's rubbed on my face. When I heard the knob was twisted, I quickly wiped my face.

"Someone called you", I said, a little colder than what I intended.

"W-who?" she asked nervously.

I just shrugged. I dressed myself in front of her quickly. And I bid her bye as quickly as possible before my tears fell down.

When I am in the cab, I heard my phone buzzed. I read the message and just smiled bitterly.

For the first time in almost two months. She initiated a conversation.

Let's talk.

...

We talked two days after that incident, in her apartment room. I looked around and thought, it is where everything has started. We made a lot of happy memories in here. But everything outside this room is a mess. Months ago, we were happy. What happened Jen? I smiled at her when I heard her words.

"Let's end this."

"Can you please....can you at least tell me why?"

I gathered my remaining courage to finally ask her. Of course I knew why. But I still asked to see if she'd lie or tell me the truth.

"I...I'm sorry Lis. It just happened. I woke up one day and I realized I don't love you anymore. "

Oh. Not a lie. But not the full truth either. She stared at the floor, unable to meet my orbs that's filled with fresh tears ready to fall anytime.

"Did you even love me in the first place?" I whispered.

"I think you just found in me the things you longed for with your ex...with Chahee." That's when I got her attention. Eyes wide when she realized I knew all along.

"Jisoo told me her name."

That night when I saw her post, I forced Jisoo to tell me who the girl she was with in that post. She hesitated because I know that she knows how painful it would be for me but still, I don't want to play the guessing game anymore. I want to clear all of my suspicions. I want to at least know because I'm tired of crying over things that weren't confirmed. And she did confirmed it. But I was still stupid to tolerate Jennie's cheating just because I am so in love with her. I remembered how Jisoo kept saying sorry to me that night as I cried on the phone.

"I cared for you the way you want Chahee care for you. I treated you the way you want Chahee treat you." I breathed deep trying to control my emotions.

"I loved you the way you want Chahee love you. Yet you didn't see me. You saw Chahee in me Jen. Not because I look like her nor I remind you of her. It's because I was the exact embodiment of the kind of Chahee you want. When you realized you still love her, you forced yourself to believe that you loved me because it's too late to take everything back...b-because you feel responsible for my feelings. Because you're guilty. Because you were sorry..."

Flashbacks came rushing before my eyes full of tears. The way she got busy with her phone even after their school project was submitted. The way she got cold to me. The way she hadn't said she love me, not even once. The way she won't initiate kisses anymore. The way her clinginess went away. The way she decided to make me a rebound. And the way she did to me what Chahee exactly did to her before.

"And yet you still failed to protect my feelings. Why? Because whether you like or not, you would still hurt me Jen..."

I tried to breathe again and continued, "Let me guess... you guys met last December, right?"

She didn't answer so I continued again.

"And you guys were able to sort things out...and you forgot you have your girlfriend. Everytime you miss her, you took my body to ease your longing..." I paused because I can't breathe but I still continued.

"Jennie, I knew. I knew you used me. It's just ironic that I fixed you but all it did was nothing but breaking myself in the process. But you know, I tried to keep it for myself...I tried to pick my pieces together myself...alone... b-because Jennie... I love you so much."

"So why did you do it Jen?! What did I even do to you to deserve this?!! W-why?! H-how could you... w-when I l-loved you so m-much..."

I was sobbing uncontrollably. My heart hurts so much that I hyperventilated. I was catching my breath.

For the first time, I was able to tell her every pain I tried to keep for myself for months now. For the first time, I set aside my fear of losing her.

What's the point? I already lost her. No, she was never mine.

I lost all my strength that my knees gave up and now I'm almost sprawling miserably at her floor. She was crying while kneeling down in front of me, hugging me, drawing circles on my back to calm me down so I can breathe again.

I clutched her shirt. Her scent that used to give me comfort now gives me pain. Her hugs that used to feel like home now breaks my being.

We're a crying mess but nothing is more painful than her silence which only proved I was right.

"I'm sorry.... I am so sorry Lisa....I-I was confused. I-I genuinely thought I loved you. But please believe me I really cared for you...I-I'm sorry..." she cried on my shoulder.

She repeated the words sorry a lot of times like she has nothing else to say.

I stayed silent, I have no more energy to fight. I lost. I knew it all along.

It took us minutes to calm down a little bit. I gathered my remaining strength to stand up and walked, which become heavier every time I step away from her because every step I take, our happy memories came back rushing in my head. I halted once I'm near her door.

"If you want to, then okay. You're free now." I took a deep breath and said for the last time.

"Thank you for everything....I love you Jen."

As I step out of her doorway and as the flashbacks of our happy memories stopped, that's the moment I knew... it's over.

And I walked away and never looked back.

-end-

A/N: Hi! If you find this lame... I am so sorry! 🥺 This is my first ever story. So...please bear with me, yeah? 🥺 I have been planning to publish one for a while now and just had the opportunity and time to do so. And I decided to dedicate my first work to Jenlisa because I love BLACKPINK so much with all my heart. So yeah here we are! I also apologize for the grammatical errors. I hope you enjoyed it! Til next time! ❤️