Too Young To Try

So much pain

The seat in Mr. Playfords office was cold and hard.

"Your step mother called to make sure you were at school."

Of fucking course she did. The over dramatic bitch. Its not like she could care less if I died anyway. So I just nodded to his response.

"Why'd she do that?" He looked at me with such hatred in his eyes which I didn't get.

The tears started to come to my eyes as I thought about what I had done.

"I tried to kill myself." I looked at him. He just stated at me and told his secretary to send someone in. If it was Britanie I was going to punch her in the fucking throat. But it was the opposite of what I was expecting. A police officer walked through the door. Then it hit me. Suicide was illegal. Shit.

He sat in the chair next to me.

"Your step mother told us that you brought a razor blade to school." I laughed. Of course she did. God I hated her with all of my being.

"Why are you laughing?" He asked.

"I didn't bring a blade to school. I rather not get suspended."

"Are you sure. She seemed pretty certain."

"You want to check me?!" I roughly handed my bag to him. He rejected it. I guess he believed me.

"So why did you try this?"

I didn't want to tell them because they would think I was just some over dramatic teenage girl. Buy reluctantly told them.

"So you tried to kill yourself over a boy?"

I put my hands in my face and yelled no. I explained to them he was the love of my life and my lifeline. He was the only reason I was living. And now that he was gone I had no reason to live.

They sent me to the counselor and said they were going to call in another officer to take me to the hospital and call my parents. I was scared as hell with my dad finding out. But he probably knew thanks to the big bitch.

When I got to the counselors office she looked at me with big eyes full of sadness.

"Rachel....you can tell me what happened later. For now lets clean off the blood."

She brought me to the sink they had for kids who took meds so they could get water. She turned it on warm and I pulled up my sweat shirt sleeve. She gasped. I ignored it. I started to pick the blood off under the water.

"Be careful"

"It doesn't hurt, I do this a lot."

She looked at me with those sad eyes again.

Once I was done she brought me to her office. I sat in the chair in front of her desk.

"You didn't get a chance to eat breakfast did you?"

I nodded no.

"Do you like chocolate covered almonds?"

I nodded yes.

She got out a coffee filter and filled it with chocolate covered almonds and gave me a big bottle of water.

After I was done she asked what happened and I told her.

Then the officer from before came in.

"Your parents have been contacted and the other officer to take you to the hospital is here." A big bald guy walked in. He scared me.

"Lets go" he waved to me. I picked up my bag, but the counselor stopped me.

"Ill keep this here and you can come back and get it."

We walked down the hall. It was passing time, shit. Kids looked at me like I was a psycho. I could already hear the rumors.

We got out to his car. I went to open the backseat door but he stopped me.

"If you promise not to jump out you can sit in the front."

I opened the front door and got in.

On the ride there he asked me questions about myself. Like where I was from, what I liked to read and listen to. It got silent for a while then he said "You should write a book about this. Im sure you could help a lot of people let them know they're not alone."

That got me thinking. I was going to. 

We got to the hospital and he escorted me in and the other officer was already there. They got me checked in and I saw my dad walking up through the lady's window. I told the officers he was my dad and I didn't want to see him. So they met him at the door and told him I didn't want company now. The first officer took me to my room and hung out with me until the nurse came in. He was a big guy with black hair and lots of empty blood vials.

"Before I put your IV in I'm going to take some blood."

I've never had my blood drawn before. I was scared.

The other officer walked in.

"You scared?"

I nodded yes.

"Don't worry doesn't hurt that bad." I heard the nurse unwrapping things which made my heart race. He put the turnicate on and felt my vain.

The officers made me look at them and talk to them so I wouldn't be thinking about it. But I was.

Then I felt like someone stabbed me with a little knife.

"Ow!"

"What do you mean 'ow' it doesnt hurt that bad." I stuck my tounge out at the officer and looked at the nurse. I watched the blood spill into the vials. This part didn't bother me. The needle did though.

"You're lucky your chest doesn't hurt, I would need about 15 of these." Yes, thank God my chest didn't hurt.

Once he was done the doctor came in along with another nurse. While he talked to me the nurse put in my IV. It didn't hurt as bad.

"Did you take anything?" The doctor asked.

I nodded no. I thought about it, but I didn't.

"Good. We are going to have the mental health evaluationist come in and talk to you a little."

I nodded. I didn't feel like talking.