Assassin [18+]

The third party

§Morgana Acampora§

Since I saw my dad yesterday I've been wondering if what I feel for Eros is right, if I'm not just feeling this infatuation because he saved me and because I was angry at Russell for leaving me...but he didn't leave, just as my father was never the man who I thought didn't love me, he was just being forced to treat me as such.

"Eros?" I cleared my throat, looking down at our hands on his thigh; I don't want to hurt him but I also need to take care of myself.

"Yes amore?" He asked with his eyes on the road.

"I wasn't able to sleep last night," I confessed, "because I was thinking about us and how we actually don't know a lot of each other, just that we have great sex."

The man raised an eyebrow as he glanced at me "Well, we are in the process of getting to know each other. What's wrong, Morgana? Are you having second thoughts about us?"

These past months I've learned that there is no time in life to lie and lead on people "Yes Eros, I frankly don't know if what I feel is a result of you helping me, and you might be confused too because I've been your assignment for months as well...maybe you're just used to me and feel sorry for how I've been treated."

Eros pulled over to the side of the road to look at me with a frown "Morgana that's not why I'm in love with you, that's absolutely not the reason why I want to have a relationship with you."

"But you've had the full picture and I've been protected from it," gently, I pulled my hand away. "I'm telling you all of this because I don't know how I will feel when I see Russell or when he sees me..." my eyes fell down to my lap, "I thought he left me and that's why I refused to continue loving him–"

"Are you saying you still love him?" he softly asked; he doesn't look outraged...just hurt and it's all my fault but I need to speak my feelings.

"I might and that's what I want to find out before we continue our attempt of a relation–" he got off the car "Eros, where are you going?"

"Follow the car in front, I'll be in the car behind you," he closed the driver's door and walked away with my eyes following him through the windows. His reaction is more than understandable and it's far from what you usually get from men you break up with to see other men.

There's nothing I can do to change what he's feeling, not even running after him and telling him I was wrong because he already knows there's doubt in me. I know as women we have been taught to put our feelings last to not make men feel awful, even if the outcome isn't positive for us, but I won't be part of that toxic behavior any longer...it's time to start taking care of myself in every sense of the word, and I need to accept that I can't make everyone happy with my decisions, but I can make myself happy so that's what I plan on doing.

I jumped to the driver's seat and fastened my seatbelt before changing gears to continue following the car in front of me "It's all right, bumpy, we'll still find out who your daddy is."

Russell made me feel things that no one had ever made me feel; even the first nights we shared he looked at me as if I was his whole world as if he was in love with me, and from there on I started falling in love with him. I didn't break down after he didn't show up just because I was going to miss the sex, but because he showed me what being loved felt; we planned our future and made promises...that can't just disappear.

Yes, I was very wrong to agree or suggest Eros and I attempt a relationship, but everything has been going so fast. In a way, I've been desperate to settle down and create a stable environment for myself and my baby but this wasn't the right way.