Mortance: A Miscarriage of Hope

Aurora Ⅱ

Bb arpeggio, added #4, the musical terms for what I played flashed through my head. Palm muted... settle on the E... my fingertips ached from how much I'd been playing guitar, but I refused to stop. I played a little lick and landed on my main chord progression. D minor, C major, G major... The transition from Bb Lydian to D Dorian shouldn't have worked, much less the one from 4/4 time to 3/4 time, but somehow, it sounded right.

I couldn't get any further, though. The lyrics stumped me, and other musical phrases didn't come naturally. There was a small riff I'd come up with on a Bb chord, but that needed more before I could use it in the song. Maybe something will come to me later, I thought, like I did every time. Nothing ever came to me. And nothing ever will, I thought sadly. The guitar suddenly felt like a nuisance, so I put it down and turned my thoughts to possibilities.

If I was brave enough, I might look for Vanessa. I hadn't seen my handmaid since she kissed me. What if she's been punished for that? Amelia said she'd seen her around, but never gotten the chance to talk to her. Go find her for me, I could command her, I want to talk to her, but I knew I would never do that. It was a strange prospect, but Amelia intimidated me. She's older, and she knows how to do life... All I know is I don't want to marry Jacob.

Jacob had left shortly after my brother. The wedding was set to be on Ascenday, and I dreaded its coming more than I'd dreaded anything else in my life. I'll try, I'd promised Angus, but I didn't want to follow through on that promise. Why can't I go back to before, when I wasn't set to marry a man seven years my senior? Whatever confusion Vanessa had brought me when she left, I would've much preferred to deal with that than being sold for a fortress. The king could've at least asked me first.

A knock on the door startled me. Vanessa? I hoped futilely. "Your grace," Amelia's voice came through the door. It was hard not to be disappointed. I shouldn't have hoped. "I was instructed to bring you to dine with the king."

"I'll be with you in one moment," I called back. The dress I was wearing was nothing much, but it would do. He won't be impressed, I knew, but I didn't care much. I looked in the mirror and ran a hand through my hair to smooth it out. I still look ugly.

"Good day, your grace," Amelia said when I opened the door.

"Good day," I replied.

We walked through the halls of the Castle of Kings to the great hall. Why have I been summoned? I wanted to ask, but for some reason, I couldn't. We walked farther on, and closer to my father. I should ask, I told myself. The words didn't come. Why is this so hard? We grew closer with every second I waited.

"Amelia," I started without thinking, as we closed in on the great hall. No turning back now.

"Yes, your grace?"

"Why... Do you know why I've been summoned?"

"It's not about your marriage, if that's what you're asking," Amelia informed me. I'm not married, I wanted to protest. "The king has guests, I believe, and you are to sit with them in your brother's place. That is all I know."

"Thank you," I said. So it's just another useless meal to sit through when I could be doing something I enjoy.

The great table was set for more people than I cared to count, and there were just that many people present when we entered the great hall. My father was laughing with some other old lords of Sacreon. I saw three lordly men; one of an age with my father, one much older, and one who looked not much older than Angus. Their families were gathered around the table, talking, joking, and eagerly awaiting food. The lords' wives were talking together, sitting just across from their husbands. A group of young boys and girls were playing at the table, and I smiled as they teased each other. Two girls of an age with me were gossiping, and I knew I was expected to join them, but when I stepped towards their seats...