Focus

Full Circle

Aisling and I sit on a stone ledge outside the front gates of Sheffield's park dangling our legs over the side of the seat. I still can't quite look her in the eye. Whenever I try to communicate my feelings to someone, I get tongued tied and it never comes out right; she's no exception. Still, I make my best attempt to speak. My voice sounds strained. "Why did you leave?" It's a simple question, and she's probably been expecting it since the car ride here. Her eyes flicker cerulean. I can always tell when she's thinking, because little grey clouds dilate her pupils and she gets lost in her own head during the middle of a conversation. It's fascinating to watch. She does the same thing now - the familiar silver wisps swirl around, mixing with the light blue, and she frowns slightly.

"I was bored," she answers plainly. Bored. I give her a blank stare. "Did you know about my mom leaving?" I ask bitterly. "It killed me, Aisling. All I wanted was you, and you weren't even there." She squints her eyes shut. The tone of her voice, normally assertive and strong, comes out almost in a whisper. "It was selfish," she says. "I've never regretted anything more than I regret not staying." I shake my head. If that was true, she could've come back. At least for a day or two. That's all I needed. "But you didn't even tell me," I whimper. "What was I supposed to think?" The leaves rustle through the trees on either side of us. Sheffield's entrance is breathtaking. The metal gate is overgrown with ivy, and the tops of rusty metal from the rides peek out on the other side. Tall maple trees surround the entire lot. My eyes focus in and out on a tree stump a few yards to my right.

Her breathing is shaky. "I left for school to start over. I love you, Hannah. So much. My plan was to surprise you by showing you the campus and playing one last song together in the music hall - you should've seen it, it was incredible - but I couldn't do it. Not after I heard about your mom." "Trust me," I say, "it hurt way more falling asleep every night thinking you'd come back. I knew you'd come back. I knew it..." My voice breaks, and I stop talking, because I can't bring myself to say anything else. She tries to answer me, but I can tell how hard she is struggling to find words. My stomach clenches and unclenches. The fury is still burning behind my eyes, but at this point, I'm just tired. I want to forgive her. I need someone. She notices the expression on my face, because she pulls my head into her neck and I close my eyes, breathing in the sweet scent of maple and freshly mown grass. "It's okay," I say after some thought. "I forgive you." Her arms wrap around me and I can feel her sobbing quietly. Honestly, I would cry also, but I've shed enough tears this year for twenty people - so after three years of Aisling being tough for me, I take my turn being the strong one as she cries on my shoulder.

A few minutes pass by in silence. She stops crying and sits up, dusting off her pants. I knew it wouldn't last long. "Thank you," she whispers. Gratefulness swims behind her eyes. I didn't realise until now just how much I missed her. It's been so long since I've really laughed or had fun. She brings out the best of everything in me, and now I have that again. It's amazing how big of an impact some people can leave on such a tiny life. I'm about to speak again, but I'm interrupted by a navy blue Highlander pulling into the dirt driveway and rumbling to a stop just a few feet away from the ledge we're sitting on. Aisling wipes her eyes again and smiles, pulling herself up. I look up at her quizzically. "They're here," she grins. They. Who's they? I watch as she walks over to the driver's side door and speaks to whoever is driving for a moment. Then, the door opens, and I see a pair of black Vans step out onto the gravel. Peach colored hair peeks up over the top of the window frame.

"Ashton," I say blankly. He shuts his door, and heads towards me, the patented dimpled smile spread across his cheeks. I'm glad to see him. His hair isn't pushed back by a bandana today; I can see each sandy curl defined on top of his head. It makes me shiver a little bit. How does Aisling even know him? "What?" is all I can manage to get out. He exchanges a look with Aisling who smiles shyly at him, then says to me, "Remember how I helped Calum move in last year? Ash came over a few times to help unpack boxes." She smiles at him fondly, and he grins back. Ash? I've never heard anyone call him that before. I shake my head. "Ah, um, okay, cool," I mumble. The passenger door opens and Luke climbs out, his long legs bent at an awkward angle as he stumbles across the ground and joins us. My eyes widen. Of course. "Hey," he greets me with a small smile, his blue eyes locking onto mine. My mouth falls open slightly. He's talking to me first! My subconscious cheers. Progress! I immediately smile back at him. "Hey," I reply, unable to control my smile. Then I make a bold move and gingerly step forward into his arms.