Focus

Sticky Notes And Suitcases

"Are you sure you have everything you need?" Aisling asks. We're standing outside Calum's house in front of a parked RV to say goodbye before the boys head off to tour the country as a band. My heart is completely numb - for the first hour they were packing, I was utterly useless. Pacing back and forth in front of the door, obsessively picking up clothes off the floor and putting them away. Let's face it...today, Calum, Ashton, Michael, and Luke are leaving for the summer, and I am a complete mess. Today is slightly overcast, puffy gray clouds surrounding the sky and darkening the concrete, with a strong wind and a lingering scent of rain. Luke wheels his suitcase up to the curb and hefts it into the small compartment under the bus.

He brushes off his hands, then turns to us. "I'm pretty sure I brought enough clothes to last us an entire year." He grins at me. "Let's hope we're not gone for that long," Michael says from behind Aisling. Before she can turn around, he wraps his arms around her waist and starts planting kisses down the side of her neck. Her entire face flushes, and the most childlike grin spreads across her cheeks as if it were Christmas morning. My stomach churns. I wonder what kind of goodbye I'm going to get from Calum. Will he even kiss me in front of them? Will he be able to say I love you in return? It would be so embarrassing if I said "I love you" to him in front of everyone and he said nothing back. Surely, things must be fine now. Brandon has only bothered me once or twice since his release, and the woman who watched us so long ago at the dance hasn't made any reappearances.

Ashton and Calum appear in the garage, each rolling a large, overstuffed suitcase. They close the door and lock it behind them before making their way across the yard towards us. "I don't think I've been this excited in a while!" Ashton gushes as they approach us. Calum takes both their suitcases around the RV to load them into the compartment. Ashton's face is completely lit up, his dimples giving his face a warm glow, and his curls are pushed back behind a black bandana today. "I finally got to quit my job at KFC," he continues excitedly, "and I get to spend two months with my best mates!" He gives Luke a pat on the back. I smile halfheartedly. Really, I'm so glad they're doing this. It's going to be an amazing opportunity for their band to take off and for them to explore their possibilities and boundaries as musicians. If it's going to be such a big deal for them, then why do I feel so wrong letting them leave? I guess I'm just selfish. Mostly, I'm scared for my life to return to its normal, boring state; emerging from nothing, accomplishing nothing, spiraling into nothingness. These boys are the only real excitement I think I've ever had.

I glance over towards Michael and Aisling. He now has her pinned up against the side of the RV, holding her arms over her head, and they're kissing each other violently. "Jeez," Luke mutters. "You would think we were moving to Mars or something." I let out a weak laugh. That's what it feels like - they're going to leave and move to some alien planet, and then Aisling is going to leave again too, and it'll just be me by myself again, for the entire summer. Amanda isn't coming back until a few days before school starts, so in short, I'm going to be spending the next three months alone. It's kind of a terrifying thought. Just me. Here. Vulnerable, where Brandon can reach me, and my only defense is sarcasm and half a semester of karate from the third grade. I stay silent, watching the boys hustle back and forth, in and out of the house, loading up the RV, making sure it has enough gas, securing their instruments and sound equipment in the cab inside. "This is gonna rock!" Ashton cheers. He drums on the side of the door with his drumsticks and laughs, hopping up the steps into the bus to check and see if the beds are made.

Suddenly, coming from behind me are a series of small grunts and scratching noises. I whip my head around to locate the source of the sound. It's a girl - she's about five foot two with short blond hair and a flower crown around her head. I raise an eyebrow slightly. She's struggling to carry a suitcase and a duffel bag that must be at least twice her own weight, and tucked under one arm is what appears to be a clipboard. As she stumbles down the sidewalk towards us, I admit she looks rather comical before I realize I have no idea who she is or why she's here. "Um?" I look towards Michael for an explanation but he's still fiercely kissing Aisling, his hands wandering all over her body, and her arms are hooked around his neck as she runs her hands through his hair. Ashton is still inside the RV and Calum headed inside with Luke to pack up some food for the road. I frown at Michael and clear my throat loudly. "Guys, who is this?" They break apart and Michael spins around, his eyes following my gaze until they land on the short girl still struggling with her bags. "Oh my god, Cassie," he laughs, and runs over to help her carry her luggage.