Focus

Ain't No Party Like An Interrupted Party

Aisling's yellow Jeep winds smoothly down the bridge; I can hear the sounds of waves lapping the grates on either side of us, and the low hum of the engine brings me in and out of sleep. We've been driving for about 2 hours and we've just reached the 7 mile passover to Key West. From the other side of the bridge, it should only take about 15 minutes to get to Aisling's beach house. As I expected, it's empty for the weekend. This should set off red flags - high school party, no parents, secluded house, possible alcohol...every combination from that Saturday last November. Every component added up to create a night that went terribly wrong. But I'm better prepared now, I guess. I don't think you can ever be fully ready to defend yourself when you think you're safe, but I know what I need to be watching out for now. Aisling has agreed that we keep a firm watch on each other's drinks and to not let any strangers buy us rounds. We're being responsible tonight (as responsible as two underage drinkers can be). She also planned for me to stay the night at her house after everyone else leaves. For the most part, we've been pretty calm about the unresolved drama from last summer. There's barely been any tension between us at all. There are still some unspoken words, though, and I think both of us agree that it's important to figure out whether we can ever be the same or not. Hopefully tonight will give us some time to finally be honest with each other. Also, I'm really hoping she'll give me some dirty details about Michael. The last few days before the boys left, they were practically inseparable - I want to know everything about the couple I helped set up.

Since we started being friends freshman year, I've suspected Aisling can read my mind, and almost as if she knows what I was thinking, she breaks the silence. "How are you and Calum?" She asks slyly. My cheeks flush red. I don't know what to say to her. I'm not really sure what's happening between us myself, honestly, and what do I tell her? As soon as she notices that I'm blushing, a grin creeps across her lips. "Things on the bus got pretty steamy. Has he talked to you since they left?" I shift in my seat and stare out the window at the grey sky, clouds looming above and muddling the horizon with the water line. "It's been almost a month," I mutter. "He's called me a few times with updates about where they're traveling. Mostly, we just text because they're really busy." She nods slowly and stays quiet. The radio plays Ed Sheeran softly under the sound of the air conditioner. "Michael has called me almost every day," she says. Her voice is controlled, like she's treading on thin ice, and I can tell she's trying to tell me what's going on without making me upset. My heart sinks into my stomach. "Uh, everyday. Wow. That's, um, that's great, Ais." I swallow hard. "How is he?" "He's good," her voice perks up instantly. "He told me that being on stage is an experience like nothing else. It sounds like they're exactly where they belong. Can you believe they have fans already?" She's smiling now and shaking her head in disbelief. "It's incredible." A few seagulls dive dangerously low over the windshield. I watch as they emerge on the other side of the car and disappear into the clouds.

"Yeah, incredible," I murmur. Half of me is engulfed in sadness and the other half is overwhelmed with longing. When I met Calum, my intention wasn't to get into a relationship with him, exactly. He was just...beautiful. I even tried to make myself forget about him and my ridiculous lust for him but he just kept showing up in my life. At first, he wasn't there at all, and now he's everywhere. Even now, I wouldn't exactly describe this as a relationship - I mean, if I had to put a label on it I would say we're dating, just simply because he hasn't asked me for more yet. I want more. So much more. I want what Aisling has. I want the constant touching and kissing, I want the subtlety and straightforwardness of a simple attraction towards each other. I want affection. Even just a little. Most of all, though, I want someone who is going to miss me as much as I miss them. Maybe call me first once in a while. Make time to talk to me even though they might be busy. I'm confident that with Calum, I will never have any of those things. I know him pretty well by now, enough to understand that I will never fully know him, and to expect romance and a cute relationship from him is unrealistic. All things considered, however, I know Calum hasn't asked me for more maybe because he doesn't want more or he hasn't thought about it. Should I ask him first?