Autumn in Philadelphia Trilogy

The Return: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

It was the 22nd of December. A light snow fell onto the already fallen snow that had been accumulating over the past week. It was cold and in spite of an offer of a ride from Mr. Matthews, Shawn opted to walk home.

The last three weeks seemed to surreal to Shawn, almost as though they had been a dream rather than reality. He had to continually look over all the mementos he'd collected and pictures he'd taken of over the course of the month to assure himself that everything had actually happened. There were only a few things left to be fulfilled on his list and he already knew that they were going to happen. Jon and Audrey made sure to take care of everything he'd asked for, often going above and beyond for him.

Shawn trudged through the snow in the new snow boots Audrey insisted that he wear if he was going to be out in the cold. He dragged his feet along the sidewalk leaving two long trails in his wake. When he first made out his list, he thought that it was comprised of pretty simple things that didn't cost much. It wasn't until he overheard Mr. Matthews talking to his wife about the expense of Christmas and detailing the cost of almost everything on his list that he realized that Jon and Audrey must have been spending a lot on him. An awful guilt hung heavily on his heart. He knew Jon didn't make much as a teacher and would never ask his parents for any kind of help. He also knew that Audrey didn't make much either at Hannigan's and depended on tips to supplement her income to a livable amount. Every day that passed they did more and more together, almost constantly going somewhere, eating out; even the stuff they did at home- the ornament material, food, all that stuff had to be bought. All that stuff cost money. He never thought his list would be so expensive and he didn't mean for it to be. He just didn't know.

In that light, he didn't understand why they went ahead and did everything anyway. He really would have just been happy to have Audrey with them and maybe a small tree. That would have been enough. It would have been much more than he'd had in any Christmas past. Shawn sighed and stopped walking. Maybe he should get a job, even if it was just some small something he could do to earn a little money and start to repay them. He wished he'd thought of that sooner so he could have asked Mrs. Matthews if there was any chance she needed a new babysitter for Morgan.

Audrey wanted him home by 3- they had a full afternoon and evening schedule. He started walking again, this time at a faster pace. After all she had done for him, he owed it to her to be on time. Not too far from the apartment, Shawn passed Dude by the bus stop. The man sat in the cold, seemingly unbothered by the snow piling up around him. He was talking to the beer can he held in his hand. Shawn stopped and watched him for awhile. There was something disturbingly mesmerizing in his melodic chat to the alcohol in his grip. The ground around the man was littered by an increasing pile of cans and paper sacks that Shawn knew also contain alcohol. This was the man's life, day in and day out, no matter the weather. Where was his family? Were they looking for him? Did he leave them? Did he have kids somewhere he walked out on? What happened that he ended up here?

A dark thought struck Shawn. Was his father sitting by a bus stop somewhere doing the same thing? He had, on more occasions than Shawn could count, done essentially the same thing in their trailer: sitting in one spot, talking himself, surrounded by booze. He was as nonthreatening and docile as Dude seemed to be; that is, until he wasn't. The slightest thing could set him off and there was never a way to tell what you were going to do that would trigger the rage. Shawn reconsidered his decision to say hello to the man every time he passed by. There was no telling if that simple act would set him off or not.

Shawn started to move again-this time he ran. As he did, thoughts of his father's drunken fits chased him. He swore he could hear Chet roaring in fury just behind him. He panicked and raced faster, desperate to get to the safety of the apartment and Jon. But memories of his father pursued him. The taunts and the insults echoed like the bellowing of the ocean in his ears reminding him of how worthless he was, how useless, how much easier life would be without him. He felt the sharp, painful sting of an open palm against his cheek.