Autumn in Philadelphia Trilogy

Saudade: The Truth about Audrey

Apologies for the delay with this chapter. This was by far the hardest and most personal chapter I've ever written.

At the end of the last chapter, Audrey says this is her story to tell. When I started writing AiP I was in the middle of my own battle with diabulimia. I've been in recovery for 17 years, but I was surprised to discover I needed to distance myself from revisiting those feelings that came when writing from Audrey's POV.

So that's why Jon is telling most of Audrey's story. Also, by doing that, it gives present day Audrey a good chance to bring up a little something Jon would rather his kids not know right now. lol

I want to take a moment to thank my own found family for their support through writing this chapter and always. You are an amazing group of people and I appreciate you all so much.

JustAnotherPersonWhoWrites and Mirandabelle, a special thank you to you two. From helping me sort out scenes that just weren't coming out at all to listening to my own story and helping me sort through my feelings, you two have been incredible. I can't really find adequate words to express how much you both mean to me.

TW: Eating disorders, infertility, pregnancy, mentions of vomiting, very brief mention of suicidal thoughts.

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Things started small.

Jon had noticed for quite some time that while Audrey did nearly all of the cooking, she rarely ate much of it.

There was always an excuse.

"I sampled so much while I was preparing it, I can't eat much else."

Or

"I ate a big breakfast/lunch/dinner."

Then there were the times she would eat the way he and Shawn did: hot dogs, popcorn, pizza, all standard junk food.

Then she'd go back to cooking and excuses.

It wasn't that she didn't eat.

He saw her eat.

But she was thin, and he swore he could see her getting thinner. He couldn't figure out how someone could eat, sometimes a lot, and still lose so much weight.

She didn't seem to be an excessive exerciser either. She still danced but between work, school, and them, she didn't have time to do much of it.

But she was losing weight.

And she didn't have any to lose to begin with.

Something was very wrong, but he had no proof of what it was.

In the months that passed since September, Audrey had become his best friend, superseding Eli. He could talk to her about anything.

Except this.

Every time he tried to bring his concerns up, she reacted like she did when he confronted her earlier in the year about why she knew so much about eating disorders. Although she had yet to storm out on him and tell him she never wanted to see him again, he pushed her pretty close to that point.

He always apologized and held his tongue until the next time.

At the bookstore one weekend, he came across a newly released book, Little Dancers in Pretty Boxes. The picture on the cover caught his attention: the ballerina looked like Audrey. He bought it for that reason.